[2333] in Humor
HUMOR: Darwin Awards
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Sharalee M. Field)
Fri Jun 5 12:36:54 1998
Date: Fri, 05 Jun 1998 12:27:15 -0400
To: humor@MIT.EDU, mowu@MIT.EDU, "MEGallagh@aol.com" <MEGallagh@aol.com>,
wheger@wbc-architects.com, Kris_Kelly@notes.pw.com, jbran18610@aol.com,
dunbar@MIT.EDU, dahv@MIT.EDU, rpr@ma.ultranet.com, mtsai@bqa.com,
immer@MIT.EDU, celia_kent@harvard.edu,
Maryellen Fitzgibbon <mfitzgib@fas.harvard.edu>,
cjwells@fas.harvard.edu,
Cheryl Guarino Buccelli <c_buccelli@harvard.edu>,
leite@fas.harvard.edu, Carlos Zalduondo <cjz@usa.net>,
david_zewinski@harvard.edu
From: "Sharalee M. Field" <sharalee_field@harvard.edu>
From: "Gingras, Jack (GEAE)" <<jack.gingras@ae.ge.com
Subject: FW: Darwin Awards=20
=20
For those of you who do not know, the Darwin Award goes to that individual
that has improved the gene pool through some act of stupidity resulting in=
death.=20
Those that survive are usually runner-ups.
Darwin Awards=20
AUGUSTA, ME - Four people were injured in a string of bizarre accidents.=
Sherry Moeller was admitted with a head wound caused by flying masonry, Tim=
Vegas was diagnosed with a mild case of whiplash and contusions on his=
chest, arms and face, Bryan Corcoran suffered torn gum tissue, and Pamela=
Klesick's first two fingers of her right hand had been bitten off. Moeller=
had just dropped her husband off for his first day of work and, in addition=
to a good-bye kiss, she flashed her breasts at him. "I'm still not sure why=
I did it," she said later. "I was really close to the car, so I didn't=
think anyone would see. Besides, it couldn't have been for more than two=
seconds. However, cab driver Vegas did see, and lost control of his cab,=
running over the curb and into the corner of the Johnson Medical Building. =
Inside, Klesick, a dental technician, was cleaning Corcoran's teeth. The=
crash of the cab against the building making her jump, tearing Corcoran's=
gums with a cleaning pick. In shock, he bit down, severing two fingers from=
Klesick's hand. Moeller's wound was caused by a falling piece of the=
medical building.=20
TACOMA, WA - Kerry Bingham, had been drinking with several friends when one=
of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the Tacoma=
Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated=
and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 a.m.=
Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had=
brought bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and=
pointed out that a coil of cable had been left near the railing. Bingham's=
leg and the other end was tied to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet=
before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He=
miraculously survived his fall into the icy river water and was rescued by=
two nearby fishermen. "All I can say," said Bingham, "is that God was=
watching out for me on that night. There's just no other explanation for=
it." Bingham's foot was never located.=20
On February 3, 1990, a Renton, Washington man tried to commit a robbery.=
This was probably his first attempt, as suggested by the fact that he had=
no previous record of violent crime, and by his terminally stupid choices=
as listed below: 1. The target was H Leather Firearms, a gun shop; 2. The=
shop was full of customers, in a state where a substantial portion of the=
adult population is licensed to carry concealed handguns in public places;=
3. To enter the shop, he had to step around a marked Police patrol car=
parked at the front door; 4. An officer in uniform was standing next to the=
counter, having coffee before reporting to duty. Upon seeing the officer,=
the would-be robber announced a holdup and fired a few wild shots. The=
officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, removing him from the gene=
pool. Several other customers also drew their guns, but didn't fire. No one=
else was hurt.=20
MOSCOW, RUSSIA -A drunk security man asked a colleague at the Moscow bank=
they were guarding to stab his bullet-proof vest to see if it would protect=
him against a knife attack. It didn't, and the 25-year-old guard died of a=
heart wound. It is good to see the Russians getting into the spirit of the=
Darwin Awards.=20
In France, Jacques LeFevrier left nothing to chance when he decided to=
commit suicide. He stood at the top of a tall cliff and tied a noose around=
his neck. He tied the other end of the rope to a large rock. He drank some=
poison and set fire to his clothes. He even tried to shoot himself at the=
last moment. He jumped and fired the pistol. The bullet missed him=
completely and cut through the rope above him. Free of the threat of=
hanging, he plunged into the sea. The sudden dunking extinguished the=
flames and made him vomit the poison. He was dragged out of the water by a=
kind fisherman and was taken to hospital, where he died ... of hypothermia.=
=20
Japan Times-April 16, 1997 "The government must crack down on this=
disgusting craze of "Pumping", a spokesman for the Nakhon Ratchasima=
hospital told reporters. "If this perversion catches on, it will destroy=
the cream of Thailand's manhood." He was speaking after the remains of 13=
year-old Charnchai Puanmuangpak had been rushed into the hospital's=
emergency room. "Most 'Pumpers' use a standard bicycle pump," he=
explained, "inserting the nozzle far up their rectum, giving themselves a=
rush of air, creating a momentary high. This act is a sin against God."=
Charnchai took it further still. He started using a two-cylinder foot pump,=
but even that wasn't exciting enough for him, and he boasted to friends=
that he was going to try the compressed air hose at a nearby gasoline=
station. They dared him to do it. So, under cover of darkness, he snuck in.=
Not realizing how powerful the machine was, he inserted the tube deep into=
his rectum, and placed a coin in the slot. As a result, he died virtually=
instantly, but passers-by are still in shock. One woman thought she was=
watching a twilight fireworks display, and started clapping. "We still=
haven't located all of him.", say the police authorities. "When that=
quantity of air interacted with the gas in his system, he nearly exploded.=
It was like an atom bomb went off or something." "Pumping is the devil's=
pastime, and we must all say no to Satan, "Ratchasima concluded. "Inflate=
your tires by all means, but then hide your bicycle pump where it cannot=
tempt you." Let's hear it for Charnchai Puanmuangpak, the NEW 1997=
undisputed Darwin Awards recipient!=20
Heather=20
=20
=20
Heather McAuliffe=20
GTE Internetworking=20
150 Cambridge Park Drive 20/1007B=20
Cambridge, MA 02140=20
(617)873-1937 PH (617)873-4373 FAX =20
http://www.bbn.com=20
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