[2326] in Humor
[humor] galore
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Hendi Susanto)
Wed May 27 23:16:11 1998
Date: Wed, 27 May 1998 23:07:02 -0400
To: humor@MIT.EDU
From: Hendi Susanto <hsusanto@MIT.EDU>
There was this new army recruit going through the rigors of boot camp.
One morning at inspection, the D.I. said "men, today we're going to have
war games. I'll divide you up into the blue and red armies. Afterwards you
all go over to the quarter master and get your weapons."
Naturally, since before this, they had been doing nothing but exercising,
running, digging trenches and not been allowed to touch any kind of
weapon, the recruit was extremely anxious to finally get into actual
combat training. He ran over to the quarter master's window, but
unfortunately there was a long line ahead of him. He had to wait nearly
an hour to get up to the window.
When it was his turn, the quarter master said, "I'm sorry buddy, but
I'm all out of rifles." The recruit pleaded with him, saying, "Look, I've
been digging dirt for weeks and now you tell me I can't play in the war
games?"
The quarter master said, "okay, buddy, I'll tell you what I'll do.
There's a broom handle you can use that." The recruit said, "What am I
supposed
to do with a broom handle?" The quarter master replied, "Look, everybody
knows >funds are short and we don't have enough supplies to go around, when
you see the enemy, just point the broom handle and say Bangety-bang-bang.
He'llknow that he's been shot." The recruit reluctantly agreed.
The quarter master then instructed him to go over to the next window
for his bayonet. Alas, when he got the next window, there was a line even
longer than at the previous window. By the time it was his turn, the
clerk started to close the widow, saying he was all out of bayonets.
The recruit banged on the window and said. "Hey, you just gotta find me
a bayonet, I've been standing in line for an hour at the first window and
another hour and all I got was a broom handle. I've been standing at
this window for an hour and a half!"
The clerk said, "Okay, Here's a popsicle stick, just tape it to the end
of your broom handle." The recruit said, "A popsicle stick!! What am I
supposed to do with that?" The clerk said, "Look buddy, everybody knows
how short handed we are, just point your bayonet and say stickety-stick-stick.
The enemy will know he's been injured."
The recruit begrudgingly went over to join the war games and was
assigned to protect a vital road. He mumbled to himself, "What am I going
to do
with a broom handle and a popsicle stick?" All of a sudden, he saw one
of the red army soldiers hiding in the bushes. Half heartedly he raised
his broom handle and yelled, "Bangety-bang-bang." The enemy immediately
fell over. Just then he heard a noise. As he turned, he saw another enemy
soldier right behind him. Almost on instinct, he turned, jabbed out his
broom handle and yelled,"stickety-stick-stick" The enemy fell over. The
recruit thought, "Wow!, I guess this really does work!"
Just then he looked down the road and saw another soldier from the
opposing army running at breakneck speed straight for him. He lifted up his
broom handle and yelled, "Bangety-bang-bang."
Nothing! The enemy kept running right at him, just barrelling down the
road. The recruit pointed his broom once more and yelled even louder,
"Bangety-bang-bang! Bangety-bang-bang!" Again, the other soldier kept
right on coming, even faster than before, and by this time was right on
top of the recruit. He raised his popsicle stick and yelled,
"Stickety-stick-stick."
Just then the two collided. The poor recruit was thrown into the ditch,
head-over-heels. Dazed, he lifted his head to see the other soldier
running on down the road, continuing on past him, yelling,
"Tankety-tank-tank! Tankety-tank-tank!"
