[2309] in Humor
[Humor] Beyond Viagra
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Matthew Manes)
Thu May 14 15:48:06 1998
Date: Thu, 14 May 1998 13:35:41 -0400
To: humor@MIT.EDU
From: Matthew Manes <mattmanes@earthlink.net>
Beyond Viagra
With Viagra such a hit, Pfizer is bringing forth a whole line of drugs
oriented towards improving the performance of men in today's society....
DIRECTRA - a dose of this drug given to men before leaving on car trips
caused
72 percent of them to stop and ask directions when they got lost,
compared to
a control group of 0.2 percent.
PROJECTRA - Men given this experimental new drug were far more likely to
actually finish a household repair project before starting a new one.
CHILDAGRA - Men taking this drug reported a sudden, over-whelming urge to
perform more child-care tasks - especially cleaning up spills and "little
accidents."
COMPLIMENTRA - In clinical trials, 82 percent of middle-aged men administered
this drug noticed that their wives had a new hairstyle. Currently being tested
to see if its effects extend to noticing new clothing.
BUYAGRA - Married and otherwise attached men reported a sudden urge to buy
their
sweeties expensive jewelry and gifts after talking this drug for only two
days. Still to be seen: whether the drug can be continued for a period
longer
than your favorites store's return limit.
NEGA-VIAGRA - Has the exact opposite effect of Viagra. Currently undergoing
clinical trials on sitting U.S. presidents.
NEGA-SPORTAGRA - This drug had the strange effect of making men want to turn
off televised sports and actually converse with other family members.
FLATULAGRA - This complex drug converts men's noxious intestinal gases back
into
food solids. Special bonus: Dosage can be doubled for long car rides.
FLYAGRA - This drug has been showing great promise in treating men with O.F.D.
(Open Fly Disorder). Expecially useful for men on Viagra.
PRYAGRA - About to fail its clinical trial, this drug gave men in the test
group
an irresistible urge to dig into the personal affairs of other people. Note:
Apparent over-dose turned three test subjects into "special prosecutors."
LIAGRA - This drug causes men to be less than truthful when being asked
about
their sexual affairs. Will be available Regular, Grand Jury and
Presidential
Strength versions.
