[230] in Humor
HUMOR: Child's Play
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (abennett@MIT.EDU)
Thu Apr 28 16:49:38 1994
From: abennett@MIT.EDU
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Thu, 28 Apr 94 16:46:31 EDT
Date: Tue, 26 Apr 1994 21:01:25 -0600
From: Espacionaute Spiff domine! <matossian@aludra.colorado.edu>
From: Jim Menard <jimm@marble.com>
Excerpts from Andy Ihnatko's article "Child's Play" in this month's MacUser,
reproduced without permission by me.
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[Describing a visit to Toys R Us]
...
"PRECOMPUTERS FOR CHILDREN. Allow your kids to acquire basic skills TODAY that
will give them a competitive head start on the technological world they will
face tomorrow."
...
These folks actually want you to cough up a hundred bucks for a keyboard and a
little LCD display, with the intent of force-feeding your tykes an acceptance
of a user interface and methodology of computing that was state-of-the-art back
when Ted Kennedy was a viable presidential candidate?
...
[Suggesting alternate toys that provide more realistic experience]
...
We've all been big fans of Ohio Art's Etch A Sketch ($7.99), but do you know
that while you've been making utterly wretched circles and triangles, you've
also been learning about pen-based workslate technology? Yes, with the
addition of a matte-black paint job and the application of a discreet Apple
logo, that familiar toy can teach your child two important lessons. First, most
computers will erase all of your data if you even so much as turn them upside
down and shake vigorously, so regular backups are essential. Second, if you
teach them the phrase "Oh, this is the new workslate-sized Newton. Haven't you
seen one yet?" they'll learn the real secret of cutting-edge technology: It
doesn't really matter if it works or not, as long as you have one and your
coworkers don't.
The beloved Parker Brothers board game Monopoly ($13.99): Make up your own Bill
Gates joke here - go ahead, it's easy and fun!
Mr. Potato Head and Mrs. Potato Head ($5.99 each) have been leading lives of
quiet monogamy for decades. Now, for your child, they can serve as examples of
everything a software or hardware product should be. Each was constructed with
object-oriented techniques, using fully interoperable and interchangeable
modules; regular product upgrades are offered by the manufacturer and may be
installed by users without violation of the warranty; there is a huge installed
user base, and the manufacturer has supported the product for decades; and
finally, each provides equal opportunities for men and women. Oh, and the torso
section opens up for storage.
...
Finally, there's the Little Tikes Play and Learn Clock ($4.99). Staring at its
stationary hands for half an hour uninterrupted is essential for developing
that critical sixte sense of doom that an application isn't merely taking a
long time to print your document and you're in for another rollicking 11 hours
of work.
...
----------------------------------------------------------------
Jim
