[2282] in Humor
HUMOR: A New Policy.
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Jason Lima)
Fri Apr 24 16:39:34 1998
From: Jason Lima <lima@MIT.EDU>
To: "'humor@mit.edu'" <humor@MIT.EDU>
Date: Fri, 24 Apr 1998 16:32:45 -0400
>It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the
>admittance policy. The new law was that, in order to get into Heaven,
you
>had to have
>had a really bummer day the day you died. The policy would go into
effect
>at noon the following day.
>
>So the next day at 12:01 the first person came to the gates of Heaven.
The
>angel at the gate, remembering about the new law, promptly asked the
man,
>"Before I can let you in, I need you to tell me how your day was going
>around the time you died."
>
>"No problem," said the man. "Well, I came home one day to my 25th
floor
>apartment on my lunch hour and caught my wife having an affair. But,
the
>lover was nowhere insight. I immediately began searching for this guy.
My
>wife was half naked and yelling at me as I searched the entire
apartment.
>But, I couldn't find him! Just as I was about to give up, I happened
to
>glance out onto the balcony and noticed that there was a man hanging
off
>the edge by his fingertips! The nerve of that guy! Well, I ran out
there
>and promptly stomped on his fingers until he fell to the ground. But,
>wouldn't you know it, he landed in some bushes that broke his fall, and
he
>didn't die. This hacked me off even more. In a rage I went back
inside
to
>get the first thing I could get my hands on to throw at him. And,
oddly
>enough, the first thing I thought of was the refrigerator. I unplugged
it,
>pushed it out onto the balcony and heaved it over the side. It
plummeted
>25 stories and
>crushed him! The excitement of the moment was so great that right
after
>that I had a heart attack and I died almost instantly."
>
>The angel sat back and thought for a moment. Technically, the guy did
have
>a bad day, and it was a crime of passion, so he announced, "OK sir,
>welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and let him in.
>
>A few seconds later the next guy came up. "OK, here's the rule. Before
I
>can let you in, I need to hear about the day you had.
>
>"Sure thing," the man replied. "But you're not gonna believe this. I
was
>out on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment doing my daily exercises
when
>I got a little carried away and accidentally fell over the side!
Luckily,
>however, I was able to catch myself by my fingertips on the balcony
>directly beneath mine. When all of a sudden this crazy man comes
running
>out of his apartment and starts cussing and stomping on my fingers!
Well
>of course I fell. I hit some trees and bushes on the way down which
broke
>my fall so didn't die right away. As I'm laying there face up on the
>ground, unable to move and in excruciating pain, I see the man push his
>refrigerator, of all things, over the ledge and it falls directly on
top
of
>me and kills me!"
>
>The angel is quietly laughing to himself as the man finishes his story.
"I
>could get used to this new policy," he thinks to himself. "Very well,"
the
>angel announces. "Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and he lets the
man
>enter.
>
>A few seconds later the third man in line comes up to the gate.
>
>"Tell me about the day you died," said the angel.
>
>"OK. Picture this," says the man. "I'm naked inside a refrigerator..."
>
>
