[2270] in Humor
Have you heard about the new Barbie dolls?
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Joy Jennifer Nicholson)
Thu Apr 16 12:20:23 1998
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Thu, 16 Apr 1998 12:14:54 EDT
From: Joy Jennifer Nicholson <jjnichol@MIT.EDU>
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>>
>> New from MATTEL:
>>
>> Sister Mary Barbie:
>> This spiritual Barbie comes with jointed knees and neck for
>> genuflecting and praying, mini rosary beads, a mini bible and a black
>> sequined nun's habit (after all, she's still Barbie). Pull the string
>> on her back and she says nothing because she has taken a vow of
>> silence.
>>
>> Admin Barbie:
>> Works twenty hour days for little pay (80% of Admin Ken's salary), and
>> is the lowest on the totem pole despite being the one that actually
>> runs the group. Comes with mini laptop. Pull the string on her back
>> and she'll schedule a meeting with your other dolls, replace the toner
>> cartridge in the laser printer, coordinate a re-org and a move, and
>> order airline tickets for Admin Ken.
>>
>> Temp Barbie:
>> This smartly dressed, intelligent, hard-working and enthusiastic
>> Barbie is ready to go right out of the box, but usually goes untouched
>> for at least a day while everyone tries to figure out why they bought
>> her. Pull the string on her back and she'll stuff envelopes
>> indefinitely, all the while wondering why she got a liberal arts
>> degree. Comes with mini resume and mini filing cabinet filled with
>> the past five years worth of US Tax Code revisions which need to be
>> collated.
>>
>> Ripped-Off-In-The-Divorce-Settlement Barbie:
>> Pull the string on her back and she unloads a torrent of insults and
>> death threats for her ex's new wife. Comes with a hatred for all men,
>> and a Malibu Barbie tan (except for a white band on the ring finger of
>> her left hand).
>>
>> Twelve-Step Barbie:
>> Pull the string on her back and she says, "Hi, I'm Barbie and I'm an
>> alcoholic." comes with a "One Day at a Time" bumper sticker, a
>> 30-day chip and a pack of smokes.
>>
>> Birkenstock Barbie:
>> Finally, a Barbie doll with horizontal feet and comfortable sandals.
>> Made from recycled materials.
>>
>> Bite-The-Bullet Barbie: An anthropologist Barbie with pith helmet,
>> camera, detachable limbs,
>> fake blood and the ability to perform surgery on herself in the
>> Outback.
>>
>> Blue Collar Barbie:
>> Comes with overalls, protective goggles, lunch pail, UAW membership,
>> pamphlet on union-organizing and pay scales for women as compared to
>> men. Waitressing outfits and cashier's aprons may be purchased
>> separately for Barbies who are holding down second jobs in order to
>> make ends meet.
>>
>> Homegirl Barbie:
>> Truly a fly Barbie in midriff-bearing shirt and baggy jeans. Comes
>> with gold jewelry, hip-hop accessories and plenty of attitude. Pull
>> cord and says things like "I don't think so," "Dang, get outta my
>> face," and "You go, girl." Teaches girls not to take crap from men.
>>
>> Transgender Barbie:
>> Formerly known as G.I. Joe.
>>
>> Dinner Roll Barbie:
>> A Barbie with multiple love handles, double chin, a real curvy belly,
>> and voluminous thighs to show girls that voluptuousness is also
>> beautiful. Comes with a miniature basket of dinner rolls, bucket o'
>> fried chicken, tiny Entenmann's walnut ring, a brick of Breyer's ice
>> cream, three bags of potato chips, a t-shirt reading "Only the Weak
>> Don't Eat", and, of course, an appetite.
>>
>
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