[2216] in Humor
If this is my competition, how could I not get a job?!! (fwd)
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Yelya)
Fri Jan 9 16:57:41 1998
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Fri, 09 Jan 1998 16:52:39 EST
From: Yelya <yelya@MIT.EDU>
>These are taken from real resumes and cover letters and were
>printed in the July 21, 1997 issue of Fortune Magazine:
>
>1. "I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience."
>2. "I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreasheet progroms."
>3. "Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year."
>4. "Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave."
>5. "Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions."
>6. "Failed bar exam with relatively high grades."
>7. "It's best for employers that I not work with people."
>8. "Let's meet, so you can 'ooh' and 'aah' over my experience."
>9. "You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time."
>10. "Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details."
>11. "I was working for my mom until she decided to move."
>12. "Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No
> commitments."
>13. "I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse."
>14. "I am loyal to my employer at all costs...Please feel free to
> respond to my resume on my office voice mail."
>15. "I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one
> and absolutely nothing."
>16. "My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no
> training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock
> brokerage."
>17. "I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant."
>18. "Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far."
>19. "As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments."
>20. "Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain
> store."
>21. "Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping'.
> I have never quit a job."
>22. "Marital status: often. Children: various."
>23. "Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees
> get to work by 8:45 am every morning. I couldn't work
> under those conditions."
>24. "The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous
> employers."
>25. "Finished eighth in my class of ten."
>26. "References: none. I've left a path of destruction behind me."
>
>
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rEaLItY iS fOr thOsE wHo laCk iMaGiNaTiOn
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