[2209] in Humor
HUMOR: Have yourself a legal little xmas
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Sharalee M. Field)
Wed Dec 17 09:31:52 1997
Date: Wed, 17 Dec 1997 09:29:17 -0500
To: humor@MIT.EDU, mowu@MIT.EDU, mgshea@aol.com, wheger@wbc-architects.com,
Kris_Kelly@notes.pw.com, jbran18610@aol.com, dunbar@MIT.EDU,
dahv@MIT.EDU, jsquill@MIT.EDU, mtsai@bqa.com, immer@MIT.EDU,
celia_kent@harvard.edu,
Maryellen Fitzgibbon <mfitzgib@fas.harvard.edu>,
david_zewinski@harvard.edu, Phil_Trussell@tasmanian-devil.mit.edu,
seg@MIT.EDU
From: "Sharalee M. Field" <sharalee_field@harvard.edu>
>From: "Gingras, Jack (GEAE)" <<jack.gingras@ae.ge.com>
>To: "'Sharalee M. Field'" <<sharalee_field@harvard.edu>,
> "'ljr@mit.edu'"
> <<ljr@mit.edu>
>Subject: RE: HUMOR: Twelve PC Days of the Secular Season
>Date: Wed, 17 Dec 1997 05:21:53 -0500
>X-Mailer: Internet Mail Service (5.0.1459.5)
>>
>> THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS, LEGALLY
>> SPEAKING
>>
>> Whereas, on or about the night prior to Christmas,
>> there did occur at a certain improved piece of real property
>> (hereinafter "the House") a general lack of stirring by all creatures
>> therein, including, but not limited to a mouse.
>>
>> A variety of foot apparel, e.g. stocking, socks,
>> etc., had been affixed by and around the chimney in said House
>> in the hope and/or belief that St. Nick a/k/a/ St. Nicholas a/k/a/
>> Santa Claus (hereinafter "Claus") would arrive at sometime
>> thereafter.
>>
>> The minor residents, i.e. the children, of the
>> aforementioned House were located in their individual beds and
>> were engaged in nocturnal hallucinations, i.e. dreams, wherein
>> visions of confectionery treats, including, but not limited to,
>> candies, nuts and/or sugar plums, did dance, cavort and
>> otherwise appear in said dreams.
>>
>> Whereupon the party of the first part (sometimes
>> hereinafter referred to as "I"), being the joint-owner in fee
>> simple of the House with the parts of the second part
>> (hereinafter "Mamma"), and said Mamma had retired for a sustained period of
>> sleep. (At such time, the parties were clad in various forms of
>> headgear, e.g. kerchief and cap.)
>>
>> Suddenly, and without prior notice or warning,
>> there did occur upon the unimproved real property adjacent and
>> appurtenant to said House, i.e. the lawn, a certain disruption of
>> unknown nature, cause and/or circumstance. The party of the first part did
>> immediately rush to a window in the House to investigate the cause
>> of such disturbance.
>>
>> At that time, the party of the first part did observe,
>> with some degree of wonder and/or disbelief, a miniature
>> sleigh (hereinafter "the Vehicle") being pulled and/or drawn very
>> rapidly through the air by approximately eight (8) reindeer. The
>> driver of the Vehicle appeared to be and in fact was, the
>> previously referenced Claus.
>>
>> Said Claus was providing specific direction,
>> instruction and guidance to the approximately eight (8) reindeer
>> and specifically identified the animal co-conspirators by name:
>> Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner and
>> Blitzen (hereinafter "the Deer").
>> (Upon information and belief, it is further asserted
>> that an additional co-conspirator named "Rudolph" may
>> have been involved.)
>>
>> The party of the first part witnessed Claus, the
>> Vehicle and the Deer intentionally and willfully trespass upon
>> the roofs of several residences located adjacent to and in the
>> vicinity of the House, and noted that the Vehicle was heavily
>> laden with packages, toys and other items of unknown origin or nature.
>> Suddenly, without prior invitation or permission, either express or
>> implied, the Vehicle arrived at the House, and Claus entered
>> said House via the chimney.
>>
>> Said Claus was clad in a red fur suit, which was
>> partially covered with residue from the chimney, and he
>> carried a large sack containing a portion of the aforementioned
>> packages, toys, and other unknown items. He was smoking what
>> appeared to be tobacco in a small pipe in blatant violation of local ordinances
>> and health regulations.
>>
>> Claus did not speak, but immediately began to fill
>> the stocking of the minor children, which hung adjacent to the
>> chimney, with toys and other small gifts. (Said items did not,
>> however, constitute "gifts" to said minor pursuant to the applicable
>> provisions of the U.S. Tax Code.)
>>
>> Upon completion of such task, Claus touched the
>> side of his nose and flew, rose and/or ascended up the
>> chimney of the House to the roof where the Vehicle and Deer waited and/or
>> served as "lookouts."
>>
>> Claus immediately departed for an unknown
>> destination.
>>
>> However, prior to the departure of the Vehicle,
>> Deer and Claus from said House, the party of the first part did hear
>> Claus state and/or exclaim: "Merry Christmas to all and to all a
>> good night!" Or words to that effect.
>>
>> Respectfully Submitted, s./
>> The Grinch
>>
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