[2196] in Humor
HUMOR: You might be a Yankee if.....
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Sharalee M. Field)
Tue Dec 2 09:28:46 1997
Date: Tue, 02 Dec 1997 09:23:48 -0500
To: humor@MIT.EDU, mowu@MIT.EDU, mgshea@aol.com, wheger@wbc-architects.com,
Kris_Kelly@notes.pw.com, jbran18610@aol.com, dunbar@MIT.EDU,
dahv@MIT.EDU, jsquill@MIT.EDU, mtsai@bqa.com, immer@MIT.EDU
From: "Sharalee M. Field" <sharalee_field@harvard.edu>
>From: "Gingras, Jack (GEAE)" <jack.gingras@ae.ge.com>
>Subject: You might be a Yankee if.....
>Date: Wed, 26 Nov 1997 06:55:37 -0500
>X-Mailer: Internet Mail Service (5.0.1459.5)
>
>
>> You might be a Yankee if...
>>
>> 1) You think barbecue is a verb meaning "to cook outside."
>>
>> 2) You think Heinz Ketchup is SPICY.
>>
>> 3) You don't have any problems pronouncing "Worcestershire sauce"
>> correctly.
>>
>> 4) For breakfast, you would prefer potatoes au gratin to grits.
>>
>> 5) You don't know what a moon pie is.
>>
>> 6) You've never had grain alcohol.
>>
>> 7) You've never, ever, eaten Okra.
>>
>> 8) You eat fried chicken with a knife and fork.
>>
>> 9) You've never seen a live chicken, and the only cows you've seen
>> are on road trips.
>>
>> 10) You have no idea what a polecat is.
>>
>> 11) Whenever someone tells an off-color joke about farm animals, it
>> goes over your head.
>>
>> 12) You don't see anything wrong with putting a sweater on a poodle.
>>
>> 13) You don't have bangs.
>>
>> 14) You would rather vacation at Martha's Vineyard than Six Flags.
>>
>> 15) More than two generations of your family have been kicked out of
>> the same prep school in Connecticut.
>>
>> 16) You would rather have your son become a lawyer than grow up to
>> get his own TV fishing show.
>>
>> 17) Instead of referring to two or more people as "y'all," you call
>> them "you guys," even if both of them are women.
>>
>> 18) You don't think Howard Stern has an accent.
>>
>> 19) You have never planned your summer vacation around a
>> gun-and-knife show.
>>
>> 20) You think more money should go to important scientific research
>> at your university than to pay the salary of the head football coach.
>>
>> 21) You don't have at least one can of WD-40 somewhere around the
>> house.
>>
>> 22) The last time you smiled was when you prevented someone from
>> getting on an on-ramp on the highway.
>>
>> 23) You don't have any hats in your closet that advertise feed
>> stores.
>>
>> 24) The farthest south you've ever been is the perfume counter at
>> Neiman Marcus.
>>
>> 25) You call binoculars opera glasses.
>>
>> 26) You can't spit out the car window without pulling over to the
>> side of the road and stopping.
>>
>> 27) You would never wear pink or an applique sweatshirt.
>>
>> 28) You've never had to redeem your sister's reputation by climbing
>> the town water tower with a can of spray paint.
>>
>> 29) Most of your formative high school sexual experiences took place
>> within the context of a football game.
>>
>> 30) You don't know anyone with two first names (i.e. Joe Bob, Billy
>> Bob, Kay Bob, Bob Bob)
>>
>> 31) You don't have doilies, and you certainly don't know how to make
>> one.
>>
>> 32) You've never been to a craft show.
>>
>> 33) You get freaked out when people on the subway talk to you.
>>
>> 34) You can't do your laundry without quarters.
>>
>> 35) None of your fur coats are homemade.
>
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