[2171] in Humor
HUMOR: virus
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Victor P Morales)
Thu Oct 16 21:41:53 1997
From: Victor P Morales <vicmoral@MIT.EDU>
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Thu, 16 Oct 1997 21:35:16 EDT
------- Forwarded Message
Subject: Virus (humour)
Date: Thu, 16 Oct 1997 20:37:49 EDT
From: the contessa <scrbbles@MIT.EDU>
BEWARE! Another miscreant has created the worst virus yet known to man!
This virus will re-write your hard drive. Not only that, but it will
scramble any disks that are even close to your computer. It will
recalibrate your refrigerator's coolness setting so all your ice cream
goes
melty. It will demagnetize the strips on all your credit cards, screw up
the tracking on your television and use subspace field harmonics to
scratch
any CD's you try to play.
It will give your ex-girlfriend your new phone number. It will mix
Kool-aid into your fishtank. It will drink all your beer and leave its
socks out on the coffee table when there's company coming over. It will
put a dead kitten in the back pocket of your good suit pants and hide
your
car keys when you are late for work.
This virus will make you fall in love with a penguin. It will give you
nightmares about circus midgets. It will pour sugar in your gas tank and
shave off both your eyebrows while dating your girlfriend behind your
back
and billing the dinner and hotel room to your Discover card.
It will seduce your grandmother. It does not matter if she is dead, such
is the power of this virus. It reaches out beyond the grave to sully
those
things we hold most dear.
It moves your car randomly around parking lots so you can't find it. It
will kick your dog. It will leave libidinous messages on your boss's
voice
mail in your voice! It is insidious and subtle. It is dangerous and
terrifying to behold. It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve.
This virus will give you Dutch Elm disease. It will leave the toilet
seat
up. It will make a batch of Methanphedime in your bathtub and then leave
bacon cooking on the stove while it goes out to chase gradeschoolers with
your new snowblower.
Thanks to http://ciac.llnl.gov/ciac/CIACHoaxes.html#goodspoof for
providing
this important soul-saving information!
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