[2167] in Humor
HUMOR: The thoughts of George Carlin
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Victor P Morales)
Wed Oct 15 11:06:56 1997
From: Victor P Morales <vicmoral@MIT.EDU>
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Wed, 15 Oct 1997 11:01:06 EDT
------- Forwarded Message
From: mabehr@MIT.EDU (Michael Behr)
Subject: The thoughts of George Carlin
> The thoughts of George Carlin
>
> 1. If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
> 2. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself,
> is it
> considered a hostage situation?
> 3. Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled at them would
> they still grow, only to be troubled and insecure?
> 4. What's another word for synonym?
> 5. Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do
"practice"?
> 6. When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their
signs?
> 7. When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be
> thrown
> away?
> 8. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?
> 9. Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
> 10. Why do they report power outages on TV?
> 11. What should you do when you see an endangered animal that is
> eating an
> endangered plant?
> 12. Is it possible to be totally partial?
> 13. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
> 14. Would a fly that loses its wings be called a walk?
> 15. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone
> will
> clean them?
> 16. If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their
> headlights off?
> 17. If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?
> 18. If a man speaks in the forest and there is no woman to hear him,
> is he
> still wrong?
> 19. If a turtle loses his shell, is it naked or homeless?
> 20. Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
> 21. Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?
> 22. If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to
> remain
> silent?
> 23. Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
> 24. If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
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