[2162] in Humor
TOP TEN
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Padraig Moloney)
Sun Sep 28 19:41:09 1997
Date: Sun, 28 Sep 1997 19:19:05 -0500
To: discover2@MIT.EDU, trivkin@MIT.EDU, martel@MIT.EDU, marionlg@MIT.EDU,
rcortesi@MIT.EDU, besilly@MIT.EDU, morcos@MIT.EDU, mikep@MIT.EDU,
iobeid@MIT.EDU, wvanders@MIT.EDU, jhock@MIT.EDU, jessec@MIT.EDU,
ravb@MIT.EDU, humor@MIT.EDU
From: moloney@po8.mit.edu (Padraig Moloney)
TOP TEN REASONS
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING FRENCH :
> >---------------------------------
> > 1. When speaking fast you can make yourself sound gay
> > 2. Yet to experience the joy of winning the world cup for the
> > first time
> > 3. You get to eat insect food like snails and frog's legs
> > 4. If there's a war you can surrender really early
> > 5. You don't have to read the subtitles on those late night
> > films on Channel 4
> > 6. You can test your own nuclear weapons in other people's
> > countries
> > 7. You can be ugly and still become a famous film star
> > 8. Allow Germans to march up and down your most famous street
> > humiliating your sense of national pride
> > 9. You don't have to bother with toilets, just shit in the
> > street
> >10. People think you're a great lover even when you're not
> >
> >TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING AMERICAN :
> >-----------------------------------
> > 1. You can have a woman president without electing her
> > 2. You can spell colour wrong and get away with it
3. You can call Budweiser beer
> > 4. You can be a crook and still be president
> > 5. If you've got enough money you can get elected to do anything
> > 6. If you can breathe you can get a gun
> > 7. You can invent a new public holiday every year
> > 8. You can play golf in the most hideous clothes ever made
> > and nobodyseems to care
> > 9. You get to call everyone you've never met "buddy"
> >10. You can think you're the greatest nation on earth
> >11. When you're not
> >12. At all
> >
> >TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING ENGLISH :
> >----------------------------------
> > 1. Two World Wars and One World Cup doo-dah doo-dah
> > 2. Warm beer
> > 3. You get to confuse everyone with the rules of cricket
> > 4. You get to accept defeat graciously in major sporting
> > events
> > 5. Union jack underpants
> > 6. Water shortages guaranteed every single summer
> > 7. You can live in the past and imagine you are still a
> > world power
> > 8. Bathing once a week-whether you need to or not
> > 9. Ditto changing underwear
> >10. Beats being Welsh
> >11. Or Scottish
> >
> >TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING ITALIAN :
> >----------------------------------
> > 1. In-depth knowledge of bizarre pasta shapes
> > 2. Unembarrassed to wear fur
> > 3. No need to worry about tax returns
> > 4. Glorious military history... well, till about 400 a.d.
> > 5. Can wear sunglasses inside
> > 6. Political stability
> > 7. Flexible working hours
> > 8. Live near the Pope
> > 9. Can spend hours braiding girlfriend's armpit hair
> >10. Country run by Sicilian murderers
> >
> >TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING SPANISH :
> >----------------------------------
> > 1. Glorious history of killing South American tribes
> > 2. The rest of Europe thinks Africa begins at the Pyrenees
> > 3. You get your beaches invaded by Germans, Danes, Brits etc
> > 4. The rest of your country is already invaded by Moroccans
> > 5. Everybody else makes crap paella and claims it's the
> > real thing
> > 6. Honesty
> > 7. Only sure way of bedding a woman is to dress up in stupid,
> > tight clothes and risk your life in front of bulls
> > 8. You get to eat bulls' testicles
> > 9. Gibraltar
> >10. Supported Argentina in Falklands War
> >
> >TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING GERMAN :
> >---------------------------------
> > 1.
> > 2.
> > 3.
> > 4.
> > 5.
> > 6.
> > 7.
> > 8.
> > 9.
> >10. In-built sense of pacifism
> >
> >TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING WELSH:
> >-------------------------------
> > 1. You've got to be having a laugh, haven't you?!?!?!?
> >
> >TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING IRISH :
> >--------------------------------
> > 1. Guinness
> > 2. 18 children becuase you can't use contraceptives
> > 3. You can get into a fight just by marching down someone's road
> > 4. Pubs never close
> > 5. Can use Papal edicts on contraception passed in the
> > second VaticanCouncil of 1968 to persuade your girlfriend
> > that you can't have sex with a condom on
> > 6. No one can ever remember the night before
> > 7. Kill people you don't agree with
> > 8. Stew
> > 9. More Guiness
> >10. Eating stew and drinking guinness in an Irish pub at 3
> > in the morning after a bout of sectarian violence
> >TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING CANADIAN :
> >-----------------------------------
> > 1. It beats being an American
> > 2. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn
> > its capital to the ground
> > 3. You can play hockey 12 months a year, outdoors
> > 4. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn
> > its capital to the ground
> > 5. Where else can you travel 1000 miles over fresh water in a
> > canoe?
> > 6. A political leader can admit to smoking pot and his/her
> > popularity ratings will rise
> > 7. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn
> > its capital to the ground
> > 8. Kill Grizzly bears with huge fuckoff shotguns and cover
> > your house in their skins
> > 9. Own-an-eskimo scheme
> >10. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn
> > its capital to the ground
> >
> >TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING AUSTRALIAN:
> > 1. Know your great-grand-dad was a murdering bastard
> > that no civilised nation on earth wanted.
> > 2. Fosters Lager
> > 3. Dispossess Aborigines who have lived in your country
> > for 40,000 years because you think it belongs to you
> > 4. Annihilate England every time you play them at cricket
> > 5. Tact and sensitivity
> > 6. Bondai Beach
> > 7. Other beaches
> > 8. Liberated attitude to homosexuals
> > 9. Drinking cold lager on the beach
> >10. Having a bit of a swim and then drink some cold lager
> > on the beach
> >
> >TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING A KIWI
> >------------------------------------
> > 1. Get to shag chics that resemble Jonah Lomu in a frock
> > 2. Beer
> > 3. RUGBY
> > 4. See above
> > 5. See above
> >TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING A KIWI
> >------------------------------------
> > 1. Get to shag chics that resemble Jonah Lomu in a frock
> > 2. Beer
> > 3. RUGBY
> > 4. See above
> > 5. See above
> > 6. See above
> > 7. See above
> > 8. See above
> > 9. See above
> >10.Hate everyone else ......unless its their round
Padraig Moloney
MIT/Draper Technology Development Project
Building 17
Office: (617) 253-3905
