[2150] in Humor
HUMOR: Affirmation
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Victor P Morales)
Wed Aug 20 06:59:58 1997
From: Victor P Morales <vicmoral@MIT.EDU>
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Wed, 20 Aug 1997 06:58:00 EDT
------- Forwarded Message
From: rocky@hal.com (Rochelle Grober)
Forwarded message from MoodyJim@aol.com
Feeling a little down and gloomy in this ever so crazy and complicated
world? Feeling small in the vastness of the cosmos? Lost in cyberspace?
Well, try these sayings three times to yourself in front of the mirror, and
just see how good you feel!
INEFFECTIVE DAILY AFFIRMATIONS:
- As I let go of my shoulds and feelings of guilt, I can
get in touch with my Inner Sociopath.
- I have the power to channel my imagination into
ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia.
- I assume full responsibility for my actions, except
the ones that are someone else's fault.
- I no longer need to punish, deceive or compromise
myself. Unless, of course, I want to stay employed.
- In some cultures what I do would be considered normal.
- Having control over myself is nearly as good as
having control over others.
- My intuition nearly makes up for my lack of good judgment.
- I can change any thought that hurts into a reality
that hurts even more.
- I honor my personality flaws, for without them I would
have no personality at all.
- Joan of Arc heard voices too.
- I am grateful that I am not as judgmental as all those
censorious, self-righteous people around me.
- I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper
and complain.
- As I learn the innermost secrets of the people around me,
they reward me in many ways to keep me quiet.
- When someone hurts me, forgiveness is cheaper than
a lawsuit. But not nearly as gratifying.
- The first step is to say nice things about myself. The second,
to do nice things for myself. The third, to find someone
to buy me nice things.
- As I learn to trust the universe, I no longer need to carry a gun.
- All of me is beautiful and valuable, even the ugly, stupid, and
disgusting parts.
- I am at one with my duality.
- Blessed are the flexible, for they can tie themselves into knots.
- I will strive to live each day as if it were my 40th birthday.
- Only a lack of imagination saves me from immobilizing
myself with imaginary fears.
- Does my quiet self-pity get to me? Yes? Or should I move up
to incessant nagging?
- I honor and express all facets of my being, regardless of state
and local laws.
- Today I will gladly share my experience and advice, for
there are no sweeter words than "I told you so."
- False hope is nicer than no hope at all.
- A good scapegoat is nearly as welcome as a solution to the problem.
- Just for today, I will not sit in my living room all day
watching TV. Instead I will move my TV into the bedroom.
- Who can I blame for my own problems? Give me just
a minute...I'll find someone.
- Why should I waste my time reliving the past when
I can spend it worrying about the future?
- The complete lack of evidence is the surest sign that
the conspiracy is working.
- I am learning that criticism is not nearly as effective as sabotage.
- Becoming aware of my character defects leads me to
the next step -- blaming my parents.
- To understand all is to fear all.
- I will find humor in my everyday life by looking for
people I can laugh at.
- The next time the universe knocks on my door, I will
pretend I am not home.
- When I dance through life I do the Texas Two-Step.
- My body is a temple. Do you want to come over for midnight mass?
- To have a successful relationship I must learn
to make it look like I'm giving as much as I'm getting.
- I am willing to make the mistakes if someone else
is willing to learn from them.
------- End of Forwarded Message
