[2131] in Humor
HUMOR: Late Breaking News!
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (abennett@MIT.EDU)
Mon Jul 14 12:41:15 1997
From: <abennett@MIT.EDU>
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Mon, 14 Jul 1997 12:34:32 EDT
From: mabehr@MIT.EDU (Michael Behr)
>> >AIR FORCE DENIES STORIES OF UFO CRASH
>> >
>> >Valles Marineris (MPI) - A spokesthing for Mars Air Force denounced
>> >as false rumors that an alien space craft crashed in the desert,
>> >outside of Ares Vallis on Friday. Appearing at a press conference
>> >today, General Rgrmrmy The Lesser, stated that "the object was, in
>> >fact, a harmless high-altitude weather balloon, not an alien
>> >spacecraft".
>> >
>> >The story broke late Friday night when a major stationed at nearby
>> >Ares Vallis Air Force Base contacted the Valles Marineris Daily
>> >Record with a story about a strange, balloon-shaped object which
>> >allegedly came down in the nearby desert, "bouncing" several times
>> >before coming to a stop, "deflating in a sudden explosion of alien
>> >gases". Minutes later, General Rgrmrmy The Lesser contacted the
>> >Daily Record telepathically to contradict the earlier report.
>> >
>> >General Rgrmrmy The Lesser stated that hysterical stories of a
>> >detachable vehicle roaming across the Martian desert were blatant
>> >fiction, provoked by incidences involving swamp gas. But the
>> >general public has been slow to accept the Air Force's explanation
>> >of recent events, preferring to speculate on the "other-worldly"
>> >nature of the crash debris. Conspiracy theorists have condemned
>> >Rgrmrmy's statements as evidence of "an obvious government
>> >cover-up", pointing out that Mars has no swamps.
>> >
