[2108] in Humor
HUMOR: level of insanity
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (abennett@MIT.EDU)
Wed Jun 11 11:06:41 1997
From: <abennett@MIT.EDU>
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Wed, 11 Jun 1997 11:02:58 EDT
From: "Sharalee M. Field" <sharalee_field@harvard.edu>
From: May_Tsai@sp.gap.com (May Tsai)
From: melanie@marvin (Melanie Kung)
Date: Thu, 5 Jun 1997 13:56:55 -0700
From: Patricia.Hill@Eng.Sun.COM (Pat Hill)
(some really good ideas if you want to try them.)
How to keep a healthy level of insanity in the workplace:
_________________________________________________________
Send email to the rest of the company telling them what you're doing.
For example "If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathroom."
No matter what anyone asks you, reply "Okay."
Put your garbage can on your desk. Label it "IN."
Plant a hedge around your cubicle.
Put a chair facing a printer, sit there all day and tell people
you're waiting for your document.
Insist that your e-mail address be
"zena_goddess_of_fire@companyname.com"
Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them to sign a
waiver.
Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them if they want
fries with that.
Send email to yourself engaging yourself in an intelligent debate
about the direction of one of your company's products. Forward the
mail to a co-worker and ask her to settle the disagreement.
Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your voice.)
Name all your pens and insist that meetings can't begin until they're
all present.
Come to work in your pajamas.
Put a picture of your mother on your business card.
Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits.
Always wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially
effective if your boss is a different gender than you are.)
Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by
these names. "That's a good point Sparky." "No I'm sorry I'm going
to have to disagree with you there, Chachi."
Suggest that beer be put in the soda machine.
Include a piece of your children's artwork as a cover page for all
reports that you write. (If you don't have children, draw stick
figures yourself.)
Schedule meetings for 4:14 pm.
Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair
dancing.
Agree to organize the company Christmas party. Hold it at McDonald's
Playland. Charge everyone $15 each.
Grow mold in your coffee cup.
Build models of the Seven Wonders of the World using empty soda cans.
Put on your headphones on whenever the boss comes into the office.
Talk in a loud voice. Remove your headphones when he or she leaves.
When in conversation, no matter where you are in the office, mutter,
"I think my phone is ringing" and leave. Go get a coffee.
Determine how many cups of coffee is "too many."
Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
Compose all your e-mail in rhyming couplets.
Install a set of buttons and lights in the arm of your chair. Talk
into your daytimer.
"Hi-lite" your shoes. Tell people that you haven't lost your shoes
since you did this.
Organize a carpool. Go to pick everyone up in a taxi.
Email nude gifs (graphic image files) of yourself to your coworkers.
Tell them you got them off the Internet.
Hang mistletoe over your desk.
Include a personal note on every email you send. "On a personal note,
I'm feeling a bit tired and grumpy today." "On a personal note, I'm
pleased to announce that I got my highest score ever on Tetris last
night."
Bring in dishes that you tried to cook but didn't turn out quite right
as special treats for your co-workers.
While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in "Palmolive".
Put up mosquito netting around your cubicle.
Decorate your office with pictures of Cindy Brady and Danny
Partridge. Try to pass them off as your children.
For a relaxing break, get away from it all with a mask and snorkel in
the fish tank. If no one notices, take out your snorkel and see how
many you can catch in your mouth.
Send e-mail messages saying free pizza, free donuts etc... in the
lunchroom, when people complain that there was none... Just lean
back, pat your stomach, and say, "Oh you've got to be faster than that."
Put decaf in the coffeemaker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten
over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
