[2074] in Humor
HUMOR: The Generic Flame
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (abennett@MIT.EDU)
Mon May 19 12:38:46 1997
From: <abennett@MIT.EDU>
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Mon, 19 May 1997 12:30:59 EDT
From: mkhusid@MIT.EDU
Date: Mon, 19 May 1997 11:25:19 EDT
Dear
[ ] sir [ ] Barney [ ] kook [ ] big wave rider
[ ] windbag [ ] peace-nik [ ] ratbastard
[ ] eurotrash [ ] white trash [ ] trailer trash
[ ] moon beam [ ] boor
[ ] Geek [ ] sponger [ ] loser
[ ] save the planet freak
[ ] Canadian [ ] muffdiver [ ] wannabe
[ ] treehugger [ ] fuckwad [ ] longboarder
[ ] kneeboarder
You are being flamed because;
[ ] you don't surf
[ ] you constantly advertise your lame web page w/ocontributing to alt.surfing
[ ] you continued a boring useless stupid thread
[ ] you repeatedly posted to the same thread that you just posted to
[ ] you repeatedly initiated incoherent, flaky, and mindless threads
[ ] you posted a piece riddled with profanities
[ ] you advocated Net censorship
[ ] you SCREAMED! (used all caps)
[ ] you posted some sort of crap that doesn't belong in this group
[ ] you posted the inanely stupid 'Make Money Fast' article
[ ] you posted a request for surf pics and stories
[ ] your sig file has a Microsoft disclaimer
[ ] you posted a request for surf spot locations
[ ] you posted an inanely stupid long vs short board article
[ ] you threatened others with physical harm
[ ] you repeatedly assumed unwarranted moral or intellectual superiority
[ ] you are under the misapprehension that this group is your preserve
[ ] you repeatedly have shown lack of humor
[ ] you are apparently under compulsion to post to every thread
[ ] you are posting "test" msgs to alt.surfing instead of alt.test
[ ] you responded to an obvious troll
[ ] you posted an article on the benefits of hemp surfboards
[ ] you have a sig that is more than 5 lines long
[ ] you have a sig with more than 4 lines of ASCII graphics
[ ] you assumed that AOL/CIS/Prodigy founded the Internet
[ ] you neglected to do research on the chosen subject
[ ] you asked a question that was covered in the available FAQ
[ ] you redundently covered the same point over and over
[ ] you assumed that the Internet is a U.S. only phenomenon
[ ] you crossposted excessively
[ ] you fall all over yourself responding to female posters
[ ] you posted the Good Times virus spread by e-mail message
[ ] you used long lines, i.e. you didn't break up your lines
after 60-70 characters, thereby making it hard to quote
your post.
[ ] You posted a request on how to learn how to surf.
[ ] you posted a "me too" post
[ ] Barged into a quiet little news group/IRC
channel/MUD/whatever and started stinking up the
place just because you read an article about the
news group/IRC channel/MUD/whatever in some
magazine.
[ ] Repeatedly requested info on where to find surf websites
[ ] you, in any way, make shape, or form, used the term(s)
[ ] "infobahn" [ ] "lates" [ ] "whatup?" [ ] "cali"
[ ] "world peace" [ ] "SUX" [ ] "green room"
[ ] "ROOLZ" [ ] "No fear" [ ] "no nukes"
[ ] KEWL/KOOL/K0oL [ ] "information superhighway"
[ ] "zen surfing"
[ ] Other annoying term:
[ ] you discussed the following in alt.surfing newsgroup;
[ ] Hawaiian Surfing Superiority [ ] French Nuclear Testing
[ ] existence of God [ ] alt.surfing.california
[ ] government weather control [ ] OJ
[ ] Squeaky Fromme [ ] Melrose Place
[ ] robot spy bees [ ] generation X
[ ] hemp [ ] the Grateful Dead
[ ] Other:
[ ] you considered the following to be reliable reference sources;
[ ] Surfer [ ] Steve Hawk [ ] Surfing [ ] Thrasher
[ ] Snowboarding [ ] CNN News [ ] Friends
[ ] Oliver Stone [ ] Hard Copy [ ] Inside Edition
[ ] PearlJam [ ] High Times [ ] NY Post
[ ] Howard Stern [ ] Fang [ ] Any famous NorCal surfer
[ ] HotWired [ ] Wired [ ] The Simpsons
[ ] Company Marketing Hype [ ] Microsoft
[ ] An unidentified, but obviously stupid, person or publication
[ ] Other:
In the future, you may wish to;
[ ] surf more
[ ] quit surfing
[ ] take up tennis or bowling
[ ] not go outside
[ ] recall that there are academic and commercial users on the net
[ ] move to Ohio
[ ] consider that others may know more about certain subjects than you
[ ] exercise some humility
[ ] be careful of where you are crossposting to
[ ] 'lurk' without posting for a few days to learn the forum of a group
[ ] take personal discussions or stupid/boring threads to email
[ ] get used to being mocked
[ ] get used to being flamed
[ ] get used to losing
[ ] grow a brain
[ ] join your people on your planet of origin
[ ] remove the pipe from your nether regions
[ ] buy a nice fiery lakefront plot in the Hell you so richly deserve
I would like to suggest that, for the common good, you;
[ ] learn to surf
[ ] wait at least two hours before responding to another post
[ ] read the FAQ (frequently asked questions) list for the group
[ ] post only to alt.test
[ ] selectively respond to threads after reading all new
messages in that thread
[ ] voluntarily apologize in a brief post
[ ] read http://www.whammer.com/
[ ] no longer contribute to this newsgroup
[ ] no longer contribute to any newsgroup
[ ] no longer contribute to the gene pool
[ ] look into the possibility of medication for the above problems
[ ] familiarize yourself with the history of the Internet
[ ] familiarize yourself with the concept of:
[ ] patience [ ] the thought process
[ ] caution
[ ] common courtesy [ ] succinctness
[ ] vocabulary [ ] higher brain functions
[ ] Other:
Please save this message and review it occasionally to
determine your progress toward being;
[ ] a useful member of alt.surfing
[ ] a less annoying member of alt.surfing
[ ] a human being
[ ] a fully-functional human being
[ ] a tolerable poster
[ ] integrated into humanity
[ ] re-integrated into the wild
[ ] Other:
Thank you for taking the time to read this form flame
The Sandman
keeper of the eternal flame
http://www.whammer.com/
