[2043] in Humor
HUMOR: Pure Genius
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (abennett@MIT.EDU)
Thu Apr 24 18:43:20 1997
From: <abennett@MIT.EDU>
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Thu, 24 Apr 1997 18:08:58 EDT
Date: Thu, 24 Apr 1997 17:32:55 EDT
From: Erik Nygren <nygren@MIT.EDU>
From: Butler Hine <hine@4thplanet.com>
From: Dave Lavery <dave.lavery@hq.nasa.gov>
From: lclemenc@pop700.gsfc.nasa.gov (Lara Clemence)
Here's one that definitely qualifies for the "Darwin Awards". This was on
the yesterday morning's Lewis & Floorwax Show, on 103.5 FM, The Fox Radio
in Denver. Another one of those things that make you go Hmmmmmmmmm.
Michigan, USA.
Guy buys brand new Grand Cherokee for 30-some thousand dollars and has 400+
dollar monthly payments. He immediately gets ahold of his friend and they
go do some male bonding. They go duck hunting, and of course all the lakes
are frozen.
These 2 Atomic Brains go to the lake with the guns, the dog, the beer and
of course the new vehicle. They drive out onto the lake ice and get ready.
Now, they want to make some kind of a natural landing area for the ducks,
something for the decoys to float on. Remember, it's all ice and in order
to make a hole large enough to look like something a wandering duck wants
to fly down and land on, it is going to take a little more effort than a
ice hole drill.
Out of the back of the new Grand Cherokee comes a stick of dynamite with a
short, 40 second fuse.
Now these 2 Rocket Scientists do take into consideration that if they place
the stick of dynamite on the ice at a location far from where they are
standing (and the new Grand Cherokee), they take the risk of slipping on
the ice when they run from the burning fuse and possibly going up in smoke
with the resulting blast. So, they decide to light this 40 second fuse and
throw the dynamite, which is what they end up doing.
Remember a couple of paragraphs back when I mentioned the vehicle, the
beer, the guns AND THE DOG ????
Yes, the dog. A highly trained Black Lab used for retrieving, especially
things thrown by the owner.
You guessed it, the dog takes off at a high rate of doggy speed on the ice
and gets the stick of dynamite with the burning 40 second fuse about the
time it hits the ice, all to the woes of the 2 idiots yelling, stomping,
waving arms and wondering what the hell to do now.
The dog, well, it is happy and heads back from where it came from moments
before, with the stick of dynamite, only to the mounting woes of the 2
bozos now really waving their arms, yelling even louder and jumping to new
heights than ever before.
Now one of the guys decides to think, something that he has never done
before this moment, grabs a shotgun and shoots the dog. The shotgun is
loaded with #8 duck shot, hardly big enough to stop a Black Lab on its
appointed rounds.
Dog stops for a moment, slightly confused and continues on. Another shot
and this time the dog, still standing, becomes really confused and of
course scared, thinking these 2 Nobel Prize winners have gone insane and
takes off to find cover, with the now really short short fuse burning on
this stick of dynamite.
The cover the dogs finds? Underneath the brand new Grand Cherokee, 30-some
thousand dollar, 400+ monthly payment vehicle sitting on the lake ice.
BOOM !!!
The dog dies, and it and the brand new Grand Cherokee, 30-some thousand
dollar, 400+ monthly payment vehicle, sink to the bottom of the lake
leaving the 2 candidates for Co-leaders of the Known Universe standing
there with this "I can't believe this happened" look on their faces.
Later, the owner of the vehicle calls his insurance company which tells him
that sinking a vehicle in a lake by illegal use of explosives is not
covered.
He had yet to make the first of those 400+ a month payments.
