[2030] in Humor
HUMOR: The Best of Dear Abby
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (abennett@MIT.EDU)
Sat Apr 19 12:58:41 1997
From: <abennett@MIT.EDU>
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Sat, 19 Apr 1997 12:57:26 EDT
Date: Thu, 17 Apr 1997 22:48:06 -0700
From: Connie Kleinjans <connie@interserve.com>
From: Paul Farley <72253.3153@CompuServe.COM>
From: Laine Tammer, INTERNET:lainet@verilink.com
From: Barbara Termaat <btermaat@verilink.com>
DEAR ABBY:
.....I was married to Bill for three months and I didn't know he drank
until one night he came home sober.
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.....I suspected that my husband had been fooling around, and when I
confronted him with the evidence he denied everything and said it
would never happen again.
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.....My forty-year-old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50 an hour
every week for two-and-a-half years. He must be crazy.
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.....I have a man I never could trust. Why, he cheats so much I'm not
even sure this baby I'm carrying is his.
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.....I am a twenty-three-year-old liberated woman who has been on the
pill for two years. It's getting expensive and I think my boyfriend
should share half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to
discuss money with him.
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A couple of women moved in across the hall from me.
One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in
her mid-twenties. These two women go everywhere together and I've
never seen a man go into their apartment or come out. Do you think
they could be Lebanese?
CURIOUS
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My mother is mean and short-tempered. I think she is going through her
mental pause.
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I met this nice guy who was in the service. He's the chief petting
officer.
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Dear ABBY: Are birth control pills deductible?
KAY
Dear KAY: Only if they don't work.
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Dear ABBY: I know boys will be boys, but my 'boy' is seventy-three and
he's still chasing women. Any suggestions?
ANNIE
Dear ANNIE: Don't worry. My dog has been chasing cars for years, but
if he ever caught one, he wouldn't know what to do with it.
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Dear ABBY: Do you think it would be all right if I gave my doctor a
little gift? I tried for years to get pregnant and couldn't and he
finally did it.
---------------------------
Dear ABBY: Our son was married in January. Five months later his wife
had a ten-pound baby girl. They said the baby was premature. Tell me,
can a baby this big be that early?
WONDERING
Dear WONDERING: The baby was on time, the wedding was late.
Forget it.
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Dear ABBY: Do you think about dying much?
CURIOUS
Dear CURIOUS: No, it's the last thing I want to do.
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Dear ABBY: Is it possible for a man to be in love with two women at
the same time?
JAKE
Dear JAKE: Yes, and also hazardous.
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Dear ABBY: I have always wanted to have my family history traced, but
I can't afford to spend a lot of money to do it. Any suggestions?
SAM IN CAL.
Dear SAM: Yes. Run for public office.
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Dear ABBY: What inspires you most to write?
TED
Dear TED: The Bureau of Internal Revenue.
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Dear ABBY: I am forty-four years old and I would like to meet a man my
age with no bad habits.
ROSE
Dear ROSE: So would I.
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Dear ABBY: What's the difference between a wife and a mistress?
BESS
Dear BESS: Night and day.
