[1995] in Humor
HUMOR CLASSIC: Lucky Charms Test
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (abennett@MIT.EDU)
Thu Apr 3 14:22:42 1997
From: <abennett@MIT.EDU>
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Thu, 03 Apr 1997 14:01:03 EST
From: Joe Ziehler <ziehler@psicorp.com>
Cereal will never be the same...
--------------------------------------
Before you read on, choose your favorite marshmallow bit
from Lucky Charms from the list below:
Pink hearts
Yellow moons
Orange stars
Green clovers
Blue diamonds
Purple horseshoes
Those icky oat bits
Okay. Have you got one in mind? Now you can read on. And don't
change it!
(scroll down)
Amazing new study shows that your favorite Lucky Charms
marshmallow bit shape determines what you're like in bed! Yes, it's
true--just take this simple test to determine your true bedroom personality:
GREEN CLOVERS: If your favorite Lucky Charms marshmallow shape is
the green clover, you're a happy-go-lucky type in bed. You don't take
anything too seriously in the bedroom or elsewhere and always manage
to have a good time, even if you have someone else with you. You don't
have any patience with depressed people and tend to sit on them until
they cheer up.
BLUE DIAMONDS: If your favorite marshmallow shape is the blue
diamond, your thoughts in bed are mostly about what you'll get
later. "If he really enjoys this, will he buy me that mink coat?"
is probably what's going through your mind. People who like blue
diamonds have a notebook of preprinted fill-in-the-blank palimony
suit forms and are the people most likely to file their nails
while making love.
ORANGE STARS: If your favorite shape is the orange star, you expect
to be the center of attention in bed. You expect your
partner to spend most of his time pleasing you and when you do
something for him, you expect enthusiastic moaning if not applause.
People who like orange stars often have mirrors over their beds, not
because they are turned on by watching what is being done, but because
they want to be able to watch themselves having a good time. They
often moan out their own names while making love.
PINK HEARTS: If you like pink hearts, you're the romantic type. You
like your partner to whisper romantic phrases into your ear and, if
he's too distracted to form coherent phrases, you'll settle for
romantic syllables. People who like pink hearts read most of the
romance novels published and are turned on by people wearing armor.
PURPLE HORSESHOES: If purple horseshoes are your thing, your
tastes are modern, uninhibited, and somewhat warped. You like
variety in the bedroom, especially when you can include handcuffs,
chains, swingsets, and chocolate pudding. Be careful when going
out on a picnic with anyone who likes purple horseshoes--she's/
he's likely to pin you down with croquet hoops when you're not
looking and who knows what could happen next?
YELLOW MOONS: If you're the yellow moon type, you're more
interested in satisfying your partner's needs than your own. You
prefer to lie back and wait for your partner to jump on you and
express her/his needs verbally or nonverbally. People who like
yellow moons usually own several pairs of handcuffs and other
instruments of kinky sex just in case someone should ever want to
tie them up and ravish them. Keep your eyes open for anyone who
eats all the yellow moons out of her cereal as soon as she opens
the box.
Those little oat bits that aren't marshmallows at all: If you prefer the
little oat bits, you probably don't like sex anyway and don't need to read
this article. People who prefer the oat bits usually become accountants,
librarians who work at the reference desk, or government employees;
these people like to chow down on a big bowl brimming with oat bits
before a tough day of protesting suggestive lyrics in rock music. People
who like oat bits have more time to spend writing letters to the editor than
any other type.
