[1971] in Humor
HUMOR CLASSIC: What do you want for lunch?
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (abennett@MIT.EDU)
Mon Mar 24 10:06:01 1997
From: <abennett@MIT.EDU>
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Mon, 24 Mar 1997 09:47:54 EST
Date: Sun, 23 Mar 1997 23:58:03 -0800
From: Connie Kleinjans <connie@interserve.com>
From: John Sweet <sweet@unrrts.com>
(Originally From: DAVE COBLE)
GOODBYE LUNCHEON
(Jim, Jodi, and Sharon are real people. Their last names have been
withheld.)
>To: Jim
>From: Jodi
If you plan to attend Sharon's luncheon, please let me know your
selection by Tuesday, June 7 ($10/person). The choices are:
-- Broiled Sole Fillets - lightly seasoned or stuffed and served with
rice pilaf
-- Popcorn Shrimp - bite sized breaded shrimp served with a baked
potato
-- Grilled Chicken Breast - marinated boneless chicken breast served
with rice pilaf
-- Chicken Fresco - baked chicken tenderloins & vegetables all in a
light garlic & parmesan cheese sauce, served over linguini with
fresh brocolli
Thanks!
Jodi
----
>To: Jodi
>From: Jim
Dear Jodi,
Thank you for arranging this luncheon for Sharon. I'm deciding what to
order, and I have a question.
What about us carnivores? I want meat. Red raw meat. I want them to
lead it in on a rope and I want it to "moo" when I bite into it. I
don't want anybody I know to see me eating "rice pilaf" or "Chicken
Fresco". In fact, I don't want anybody who knows anybody I know to
see me doing so. I want a dignified American meal of steak and
potatoes by God, served with flagons of blood-red wine. I want
Hungarian red wine, with a picture of a cow on the label. I want to
think about Eastern Europeans making this wine for slave wages and
making it badly. I want the whole bottle. I want several. I want it
served on a white tablecloth and I want that tablecloth to be so
soiled when we're done that it can't even be used for rags. I want a
meal to remember, in the midst of bawdy company. I want someone to
tell off-color jokes and I want us all to laugh till we cry. I want
some of us to discover that the person we've mumbled at as we've
passed in the halls these last 5 years is a sexual rogue. I want
several people to fail to return to work afterward. I want to see a
disciplinary memo sent down from the director's office in the wake of
all this. I want the restaurant to refuse to serve anyone from the
Lab for the next two years. I want to generate gossip. I want media
coverage. I want arrests. I want some careers launched and others
destroyed. I want this luncheon to divide time into a before and an
after. Despite her acute embarrassment at all this, I want Sharon to
change her mind and stay.
That's what I REALLY want. I just KNOW you're going to tell me I
can't have it. So I'll get back to you with my food order.
