[1946] in Humor
HUMOR: Elephant Jokes
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (abennett@MIT.EDU)
Mon Mar 10 14:44:56 1997
From: <abennett@MIT.EDU>
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Cc: jhimawan@alum.mit.edu
Date: Mon, 10 Mar 1997 14:27:46 EST
This is a UK version. There are thousands more and many
variants, so if you don't see your favorite, you know why
(please don't send it to me! Thanks!).
-Drew
Q: What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of elephants in the
distance?
A: "Look, a herd of elephants in the distance"
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Q: What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of elephants with
sunglasses
A: Nothing. He doesn't recognize them.
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Q: What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of giraffes in the
distance?
A: "Haha! You fooled me once with those disguises, but not this time!"
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Q: What is the difference between en elephant and a plum?
A: An elephant is grey.
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Q: What does Jane say when she sees a herd of elephants in the
distance?
A: "Look! A herd of plums in the distance" (Jane is colour blind)
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Q: How do you get four elephants into a Mini?
A: Two in the front, two in the back.
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Q: What game do four elephants in a mini play?
A: Squash
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Q: How do you get an elephant into the fridge?
1. Open door.
2. Insert elephant.
3. Close door.
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Q: How do you get a giraffe into the fridge?
1. Open door.
2. Remove elephant.
3. Insert giraffe.
4. Close door.
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Q: How do you know there are two elephants in your fridge?
A: The door won't close.
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Q: How do you know there are three elephants in your fridge?
A: There'll be one waiting outside in the Mini.
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Q: How can you tell that an elephant has been in your fridge?
A: By the footprints in the butter.
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Q: How do you get an elephant out of the water?
A: Wet.
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Q: How do you get two elephants out of the water?
A: One by one.
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Q: Why do elephants wear shoes with yellow soles?
A: So you don't see them when they float upside down in a bowl of
custard.
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Q: Have you ever seen an elephant floating upside down in a bowl of
custard?
A: No, of course not. See how well it works?
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Q: Why do elephants live in herds?
A: To get a wholesale reduction on the shoes with yellow soles.
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Q: How do you smuggle an elephant across the border?
A: Put a slice of bread on each side, and call him "lunch".
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"An elephant is a mouse with an operating system"
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Q: How do you shoot a blue elephant?
A: With a blue elephant gun, of course.
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Q: How do you shoot a yellow elephant?
A: Ever seen a yellow elephant?!!!
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Q: Why are elephants wrinkled?
A: Have you ever tried to iron one?
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Q: Why did the elephant fall out of the tree?
A: Because it was dead.
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Q: Why did the second elephant fall out of the tree?
A: It was glued to the first one.
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Q: Why did the third elephant fall out of the tree?
A: It thought it was a game.
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Q: And why did the tree fall down?
A: It thought it was an elephant.
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Q: How many legs does an elephant have?
A: Four, two in the front, two in the back.
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Q: Why did the elephant cross the road?
A: Chicken's day off.
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Q: What was the elephant doing on the motorway?
A: About 5 mph (8kph in the rest of the world)
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Q: How do you get an elephant into a VW?
A: Open the car door, put the elephant inside, close the door.
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Q: How do you put an elephant into a fridge?
A: Open the VW door, take the elephant out, close the VW door, open
the fridge, put the elephant inside, close the fridge.
-----------------
Q: How do you get 4 elephants into a Volkswagen?
A: 2 in the front and 2 in the back
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Q: How do you know if there are 3 elephants in your fridge?
A: Can't get the fridge door closed.
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Q: How do you know if there are 4 elephants in your fridge?
A: There's a VW parked outside it.
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Q: How do you get 8(!) elephants in a fridge?
A: Put four in a VW, four in another VW, put the two VW's in the
fridge, A fridge large enough to hold two elephants can surely hold
two VW's!
-----------------
Q: How do you get Tarzan in the fridge?
A: Open door, get two VW's out, put Tarzan in, close door.
-----------------
Q: How do you know Tarzan is in the fridge?
A: You can hear Tarzan scream OYOYOYOIYOIYOOOOOO
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Q: How do you get two Tarzans in the fridge?
A: You can't, silly. There is only one Tarzan!
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Q: Why are there so many elephants running around free in the jungle?
A: The fridge isn't not large enough to hold them all.
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Q: How many elephants can you actually put in a fridge?
A: Depends on the number of elephants.
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Q: What did the fifth elephant in the VW discover?
A: The sun roof.
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Q: The Lion (king of the animals) gathered all the animals for a
meeting, all of them showed up except the elephants. Why?
A: They were stuck in the VW.
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Q: How many giraffes can you fit in a VW?
A: None, the elephants are in there!
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Q: What do you call two elephants on a bicycle?
A: Optimistic!
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Q: What do you get if you take an elephant into the city?
A: Free Parking.
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Q: What do you get if you take an elephant into work?
A: Sole use of the elevator.
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Q: How do you know if there is an elephant in the pub?
A: It's bike is outside.
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Q: How do you know if there are two elephants in the pub?
A: There is a dent in the cross-bar.
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Q: How do you know if there are three elephants in the pub?
A: Stand on the bike and have a look in the window.
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Q: Why do elephants wear tiny green hats?
A: To sneak across a pool table without being seen.
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Q: How many elephants does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Don't be stupid, elephants can't change light bulbs.
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Q: What do you get if you cross an elephant with a whale?
A: A submarine with a built-in snorkel.
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Q: How do you know if there is an elephant under the bed?
A: Your nose is touching the ceiling.
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Q: Why do elephants wear sandals?
A: So that they don't sink in the sand.
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Q: Why do ostriches stick their head in the ground?
A: To look for the elephants who forgot to wear their sandals.
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Q: What did Tarzan say when he saw 1,000 elephants coming over the
hill?
A: "Look, there's 1,000 elephants coming over the hill."
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Q: What did Tarzan say when he saw 1,000 elephants with sunglasses on,
coming over the hill?
A: Nothing, he didn't recognize them.
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Q: How do you make a dead elephant float?
A: Well, you take 10 dead elephants, 10 tons of chocolate ice-cream, 5
tons of bananas,.....
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Q: How do you get an elephant on top of an oak tree?
A: Stand him on an acorn and wait fifty years.
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Q: What if you don't want to wait fifty years?
A: Parachute him from an airplane.
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Q: Why isn't it safe to climb oak trees between 2 and 4 in the
afternoon?
A: That's when the elephants are skydiving.
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Q: Why do ducks have flat feet?
A: From stamping out forest fires.
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Q: Why do elephants have flat feet?
A: From stamping out flaming ducks.
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Q: Why are elephants feet shaped that way?
A: To fit on lily pads.
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Q: Why isn't it safe to go onto the lily pads between 4 and 6 in the
afternoon?
A: That's when the elephants are walking on the lily pads.
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Q: Why are frogs so short?
A: They go onto the lily pads between 4 and 6 in the afternoon.
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Q: Why shouldn't you go into the woods at 5 o'clock?
A: Because that is when the elephants practice their parachute
jumping.
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Q: What is a furry alligator?
A: A bear that went into the woods at 5 o'clock.
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Q: What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence?
A: 5 O'clock (trick question - not "Time to get a new fence..")
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Q: Why do elephants paint the soles of their feet yellow?
A: So that they can hide upside-down in bowls of custard.
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Q: Did you ever find an elephant in your custard?
A: No? Well, it must work.
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Q: What do you know when you see three elephants walking down the
street wearing pink sweatshirts?
A: They're all on the same team.
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Q: How do you know if there's an elephant in bed?
A: He has a big 'E' on his pajamas jacket pocket.
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Q: How do you stop an elephant from charging?
A: Take away his credit card.
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Q: Why do elephants have trunks?
A: Because they would look silly with glove compartments.
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Q: What did the elephant say when he saw a dead ant on the road?
A: Deadant! Deadant! Deadant!!! (to be sung).
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Q: What did he say when he saw a live ant on the road?
A: He stamped it to death and then said "Deadant! Deadant!
Deadant!!!".
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Q: What do you give a seasick elephant?
A: Lots of room.
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Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with an ant?
A: A dead ant.
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Q: How many elephants does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two, but you need a real big bulb.
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Q: What has two tails, two trunks and five feet?
A: An elephant with spare parts
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Q: What is more difficult than getting an elephant into the back seat
of your car?
A: Getting TWO elephants into the back seat of your car!
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Q: What's grey and puts out forest fires?
A: Smokey the Elephant.
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Q: What happens when an elephant sits in front of you at the movies?
A: You miss most of the picture!
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Q: What did the peanut say to the elephant?
A: Nothing, peanuts can't talk.
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Q: How many elephants can you fit into a Mercedes?
A: 5. Two in the front, two in the back, and one in the glove
compartment.
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Q: How do you know when an Elephant has been in the baby carriage?
A: By the footprints on the baby's forehead!
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Q: What is beautiful, gray and wears glass slippers?
A: Cinderelephant.
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Q: How do you know if there is an elephant under the bed?
A: Your nose is touching the ceiling.
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Q: Why do elephants wear sandals?
A: So that they don't sink in the sand.
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Q: Why do ostriches stick their head in the ground?
A: To look for the elephants who forgot to wear their sandals.
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Q: Why do elephants float down the river on their backs?
A: So they won't get their tennis shoes wet.
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Q: How do you get an elephant out of a tree?
A: Stand it on a leaf and wait until Autumn.
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Q: Why do elephants paint their toenails red?
A: To hide in cherry trees.
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Q: How did Tarzan die?
A: Picking cherries.
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Q: What is the difference between an elephant and a pickle?
A: Their color of course!
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Q: What do you get if you cross an elephant with a kangaroo?
A: Big holes all over Australia.
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Q: What kind of elephants live at the North Pole?
A: Cold ones.
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Q: Why do elephants have trunks?
A: Because they'd look silly carrying suitcases.
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Q: What is convenient and weighs 20,000 pounds?
A: An elephant six-pack.
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Q: What is the difference between an Indian and an African elephant?
A: About three thousand miles.
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Q: What do elephants take when they get hysterical?
A: Trunkquilizers.
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Q: What is the difference between an elephant and a piece of paper?
A: You can't make a paper airplane out of an elephant.
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Q: How do elephants talk to each other?
A: By 'elephone.
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Q: Why do elephants have cracks between their toes?
A: For carrying their library cards.
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Q: What is grey, has large wings, a long nose, and gives money to
elephants?
A: The Tusk Fairy.
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Q: Where do elephants with skincare problems go?
A: Pachydermatologists.
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Q: What's red & white on the outside, and grey on the inside?
A: Campbell's Cream of Elephant Soup.
