[1849] in Humor
HUMOR: Misc. Stories
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Andrew Bennett)
Mon Jan 27 11:21:50 1997
Date: Mon, 27 Jan 1997 11:09:42 -0500
To: humor@MIT.EDU
From: abennett@MIT.EDU (Andrew Bennett)
Some we've seen before, some are new.
-Drew
Date: Sun, 26 Jan 1997 23:00:41 -0800
From: Connie Kleinjans <connie@interserve.com>
From: "Karen Kienitz (415)725-5817" <KIENITZ_K@HOSP.STANFORD.EDU>
From: "David L. Bozsik" <bozsik@cwo.com>
From: "MBrick4SKI@aol.com" <MBrick4SKI@aol.com>
Here's some cool year-end tales. The first may or may not be true; the rest
are (from Parade magazine).
One night, a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for
possible violations of the drunken driving laws. At closing time, he saw a
fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb and try his keys on five
different cars before finding his. Everyone else left the bar and drove
off. Finally, he started his engine and started to pull away.
The officer was waiting for him. He stopped the car, read him his rights
and gave him a Breathalyzer test.
The results showed a reading of 0.0. The puzzled officer demanded an
explanation.
The driver replied, "Tonight, I'm the designated decoy."
For Pueblo, Colo. gas station clerk Nueng Garcia, it was just another
day on the job -- until he noticed the name of a man who paid by check.
"Are you John Garcia?" he asked. "Yes," came the answer. "Were you ever
in the Air Force?" "Yes." "Were you ever in Thailand?" "Yes." "Did you ever
have a son?"
They stared at each other and realized at the same moment they were
father and son who had been separated 27 years ago and a world away.
John Garcia said he never goes to that gas station, wasn't even low on
gas and hardly ever pays with a check.
A recent survey asked VPs and personnel directors of the 100 largest
U.S. Companies for their most unusual experiences interviewing prospective
employees. They include:
An applicant who challenged the interviewer to arm wrestle
A balding candidate who excused himself and then returned wearing a full
hairpiece
A candidate who wore headphones and, when asked to remove them, said she
could listen to music and the inteviewer at the same time
A clumsy candidate who fell and broke his arm during the interview
An applicant who interrupted the questioning to phone her therapist for
advice
A candidate who refused to sit down and insisted on being interviewed
standing up
A candidate who dozed off during the interview
An applicant who muttered, "Would it be a problem if I'm angry most of
the time?"
Chicago Cubs relief pitcher Bob Patterson on the pitch Cincinnati Reds
shortstop Barry Larkin hit off him for a game-winning home run: "It was a
cross between a screw ball and a change-up. It was a screw-up."
"I've been here laboring for five years, and now we have a sock talking
at our commencement. It's kind of upsetting," said graduate Samantha Chie.
Southampton College of Long Island University decided to bestow an honorary
degree on Kermit the Frog to publicize the school's marine studies program.
Andre-Francois Raffray, a lawyer from Arles, France, thought he had made
the deal of a lifetime. In 1965, he signed a deal with Jeanne Calment, then
90, giving her $500 a month for life on the condition she leave him her
house when she died. Raffray died in 1995 at the age of 77, shortly after
Clament became the world's oldest living person. "We all make bad deals in
life," Raffray said on Calment's 120th birthday. He paid her over $180,000;
the house is worth about $60,000.
Thomas Martin of Oroville, Calif., former manager of a Jack in the Box
restaurant, reported he'd been robbed of $307 as the store was closing. He
provided sketch artist Jack Lee a detailed description of the suspect. When
Lee put his pad down, he noticed the drawing looked just like Martin. When
questioned, Martin confessed.
And on that note: Goodnight, Gracie!!!
