[1830] in Humor
Signs abroad...
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (George Savvides)
Sun Jan 19 01:09:33 1997
Date: Sun, 19 Jan 1997 01:01:52 -0500
From: George Savvides <savvides@MIT.EDU>
To: humor@MIT.EDU
These are actual signs seen in hotels etc. around the world:
In a Tokyo Hotel: Is forbitten to steal hotel towels please. If
you are not person to do such thing is please not to read notis.
Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand: Would you like to ride on
your own ass?
On the faucet in a Finnish washroom: To stop the drip, turn cock
to right.
In the window of a Swedish furrier: Fur coats made for ladies from
their own skin.
In a Bangkok temple: It is forbidden to enter a woman even a
foreigner if dressed as a man.
In a Tokyo bar: Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.
In a Copenhagen airline ticket office: We take your bags and send
them in all directions.
In a Norwegian cocktail lounge: Ladies are requested not to have
children in the bar.
At a Budapest zoo: Please do not feed the animals. If you have
any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
In the office of a Roman doctor: Specialist in women and other
diseases.
In a Belgrade hotel elevator: To move the cabin, push button for
wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one
should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going
alphabetically by national order.
In a Paris hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front
desk.
In a Rome laundry: Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the
afternoon having a good time.
In a Rhodes tailor shop: Order your summers suit. Because is big
rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.
In a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the
chambermaid.
In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the
office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.
A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest: It is strictly forbidden
on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for
instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are
married with each other for that purpose.
In another Japanese hotel room: Please to bathe inside the tub.
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: Our wines leave you nothing
to hope for.
In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next
day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
In a Zurich hotel: Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests
of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby
be used for this purpose.
In a Leipzig elevator: Do not enter the lift backwards, and only
when lit up.
In a Yugoslavian hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure
is the job of the chambermaid.
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox
monastery: You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous
Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried
daily except Thursday.
In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers: Not to perambulate the
corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.
On the menu of a Polish hotel: Salad a firm's own make; limpid
red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted
duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.
In a Hong Kong supermarket: For your convenience, we recommend
courteous, efficient self-service.
Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop: Ladies may have a fit upstairs.
Similarly, from the Soviet Weekly: There will be a Moscow Exhibition
of Aets by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were
executed over the past two years.
In an East African newspaper: A new swimming pool is rapidly taking
shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers.
In a Vienna hotel: In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel
porter.
In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: Teeth extracted by the
latest Methodists.
A translated sentence from a Russian chess book: A lot of water
has been passed under the bridge since this variation has been
played.
In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency: Take one of our horse-driven
city tours -- we guarantee no miscarriages.
On the box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong: Guaranteed to
work throughout its useful life.
Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan: Stop: Drive Sideways.
In a Swiss mountain inn: Special today -- no ice cream.
On the door of a Moscow hotel room: If this is your first visit
to the USSR, you are welcome to it.
In an Acapulco hotel: The manager has personally passed all the water
served here.
In a Tokyo shop: Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they
are best in the long run.
From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air
conditioner: Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm
in your room, please control yourself.
From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo: When passenger of
foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at
first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with
vigor.
Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
- English well talking.
- Here speeching American.
