[1810] in Humor
HUMOR: A True Story! Really!
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Andrew Bennett)
Mon Jan 13 21:07:42 1997
Date: Mon, 13 Jan 1997 21:03:50 -0500
To: humor@MIT.EDU
From: abennett@MIT.EDU (Andrew Bennett)
Date: Mon, 13 Jan 1997 18:32:56 -0500
From: pug@MIT.EDU (Sharalee M. Field)
>To: bexley@MIT.EDU
>Subject: how to build your own hubble space telescope....
>From: Ronke Mojoyinola Olabisi <braid@engin.umich.edu>
>
>
>remember the neiman marcus cookie urban legend? well this one is better...
>
>------- Forwarded Message
>
> _________________________________________________________________
>
>This cookie story reminds me...
>
>A few years ago I was touring the Jet Propulsion Lab and they showed
>me a prototype of the Hubble Space Telescope. "Pretty cool machine,
>guys," I said, "but is there anyway we amateur astronomers can get in
>on this kind of action?" They said yes, plans for the HST were
>available through the gift shop. "How much?" I asked. They said
>"Fifty." I said "Great! Here's my American Express Plutonium Card!"
>
>I picked up the plans and went home, happy as a clam, until I got my
>American Express bill. The total amount due was $50,119.00! I figured
>the $119 must have been from one of these Northwest student ticket
>vouchers, but where was that $50,000 from? Only then did I realize
>that JPL had charged me, not fifty dollars, but fifty THOUSAND
>dollars. Boy was I mad. But it was too late to return the plans and
>get my fifty thousand dollars back, so I just chalked it up to
>experience. But now I'm getting my revenge... I asked the folks at the
>JPL copyright office if I could give the plans out to all my friends
>and they said, "Heck, why not? What do we need with royalties? Tell
>the world!" So I've written up the key steps here. Please post them to
>every board you can think of and mail them to all your friends.
>Remember, if you break the chain you'll get seven years of bad sunspot
>interference.
>
>You will need:
>
> * 1 launch vehicle.
> * 126 "Master Constructor" Erector Sets(tm).
> * 1 Radio Shack(tm) Pro-2001 scanner.
> * 1 2-meter block of glass.
> * 1 box of aluminum foil.
> * 4 sheets of #20 (coarse) sandpaper.
> * 4 sheets of #150 (fine) sandpaper.
> * 2 children's magnifying glasses.
> * (optional) filters and instrumentation as needed.
>
>Instructions:
>1. Using the erector sets, construct a superstructure capable of
> supporting a 2-meter mirror and whatever instrumentation you will
> be using. Make sure that the superstructure can survive the
> G-forces during launch. Don't be tempted to skimp on the nuts and
> bolts here.
>2. Using the #20 sandpaper, grind the block of glass until it takes
> on the shape of a convex mirror. Be very careful in this step
> because if you get the shape wrong you'll have to start over
> again. Use the #150 sandpaper to smooth out any irregularities and
> fix any minor problems with the focus. Then melt the aluminum foil
> and vacuum deposit 1-2 atomic layers of aluminum on the surface of
> the mirror. Mount the mirror in its place in the superstructure.
>3. Mount the children's magnifying glasses at the focal point of the
> mirror. These will serve as an eyepiece for your instruments.
>4. Open the back of the Pro-2001 scanner. There will be a 16-pin chip
> on the upper left of the circuit board labeled 1Y1169AV. Carefully
> clip out the fourth pin on the left and remove it from the chip.
> This will convert your Pro-2001 scanner into the usually much more
> expensive Pro-2010 scanner with orbital transceiver capabilities.
> Close the back of the scanner, check that the batteries are in
> place, mount it in the superstructure, and connect it to your
> instruments.
>5. Make one last check of everything and you're ready to launch!
>
> This is a true story, every bit of it, I swear on my father's sister's
> grave. Even if it isn't, I hope that you get as much use and enjoyment
> out of your home-built Hubble Space Telescope as I have from mine!
>
>
>Troy Hartwig <>< <>< <>< <>< <>< <>< <><
>hartwig@ecn.purdue.edu http://widget.ecn.purdue.edu/~hartwig
>Herrick Laboratory, Purdue University West Lafayette, Indiana
>Noise and Vibration Center, General Motors (317) 746-2312
