[1750] in Humor
HUMOR: Marriage - American Style
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Andrew Bennett)
Tue Dec 10 15:28:43 1996
Date: Fri, 6 Dec 1996 15:23:46 -0500
To: humor@MIT.EDU
From: abennett@MIT.EDU (Andrew Bennett)
From: "Mark A. Herschberg" <hershey@MIT.EDU>
From: rushlyn@MIT.EDU
Date: Fri, 06 Dec 1996 13:23:27 EST
- ------- Forwarded Message
Subject: Marriage, American Style (fwd)
> If Yoko Ono married Sonny Bono, she'd be Yoko Ono Bono.
>
> If Dolly Parton married Salvador Dali, she'd be Dolly Dali.
>
> If Bo Derek married Don Ho, she'd be Bo Ho.
>
> If Oprah Winfrey married Depak Chopra, she'd be Oprah Chopra.
>
> If Cat Stevens married Snoop Doggy Dogg, hey! it's the '90's!, he'd be
> Cat Doggy Dogg.
>
> If Olivia Newton-John married Wayne Newton, then divorced him to marry
> Elton John, she'd be Olivia Newton-John Newton John.
>
> If Sondra Locke married Elliott Ness, then divorced him to marry
> Herman Munster, she'd become Sondra Locke Ness Munster.
>
> If Bea Arthur married Sting, she'd be Bea Sting.
>
> If Liv Ullman married Judge Lance Ito, then divorced him and married
> Jerry Mathers, she'd be Liv Ito Beaver.
>
> If Snoop Doggy Dogg married Winnie the Pooh, he'd be Snoop Doggy Dogg
> Pooh.
>
> How about a baseball marriage? If Boog Powell married Felipe Alou,
> he'd be Boog Alou.
>
> If G. Gordon Liddy married Boutros-Boutros Ghali, then divorced him to
> marry Kenny G., he'd be G. Ghali G.
>
> Nog (Quark's brother on "Star Trek: Deep Space Nine") has no other
> name, so he uses it twice when getting a marriage license. If he
> married Howard Hughes, and then Pamela Dare, he'd be Nog Nog Hughes
> Dare.
>
> If Shirley Jones married Tom Ewell, then Johnny Rotten, then Nathan
> Hale, she'd be Shirley Ewell Rotten Hale.
>
> If Javier Lopez married Keiko the whale, and Edith Piaf married Rose
> Tu the elephant, they would be Javier Keiko and Edith Tu.
>
> If Ivana Trump married, in succession, Orson Bean (actor), King Oscar
> (of Norway), Louis B. Mayer (of MGM), and Norbert Wiener
> (mathematician), she would then be Ivana Bean Oscar Mayer Wiener.
>
> If Woody Allen married Natalie Wood, divorced her and married Gregory
> Peck, divorced him and married Ben Hur, he'd be Woody Wood Peck
> Hur.
>
> If Dolly Parton married Tommy Smothers, then went even further back in
> show business and married Mr. Lucky, then divorced and married Martin
> Short, then divorced and married football kicker Ray Guy, we could all
> nod understandingly when we heard, "Dolly Parton Smothers Lucky Short
> Guy."
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