[1747] in Humor
HUMOR CLASSIC: Application to Live in New Jersey
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Andrew Bennett)
Mon Dec 9 10:21:32 1996
Date: Mon, 9 Dec 1996 10:07:35 -0500
To: humor@MIT.EDU
From: abennett@MIT.EDU (Andrew Bennett)
From: "Mark A. Herschberg" <hershey@MIT.EDU>
Date: Thu, 5 Dec 1996 11:22:16 -0500
From: soucy@tfn.com (Krista Soucy)
Apologies to anybody who has already seen this, but it made my friend
(from NJ) and me crack up!
APPLICATION TO LIVE IN NEW JERSEY
NAME:______________________
Nickname:______________________
ADDRESS: _____________________
EXIT #______________________
______________________
ETHNIC BACKGROUND: _______Italian _______Sicilian ________Jewish
BACKYARD SMELLS LIKE:
a)Sewage b)Sulfur c)Garbage d)All of the above
TOTAL # OF MUSCLE SHIRTS
a)5 - 10 b)10 - 15 c)15 - 20 d)20 and above
# OF BON JOVI TOUR SHIRTS
a)5 - 10 b)10 - 15 c)15 - 20 d)20 and above
# OF BON JOVI TOUR SHIRTS THAT ARE ALSO MUSCLE SHIRTS
a)5 - 10 b)10 - 15 c)15 - 20 d)20 and above
BRAND OF JEANS PREFERRED
a)Sergio Valente b)Jordache c)Sassoon d)Z. Cavaricci
PERCENTAGE OF WARDROBE WHICH IS LEATHER
a)100% b)95-100% c)90-95% d)85-90%
TOTAL # OF GOLD CHAINS OWNED
a)10 - 15 b)15 - 20 c)20 - 25 d)25 and above
# OF GOLD CHAINS WORN AT ONE TIME
a)5 - 10 b)10 - 15 c)15 - 20 d)20 and above
APPROXIMATE VALUE OF ALL THIS JEWELRY
a)$ 5 - $10 b)$10 - $15 c)$15 - $20 d)Stolen
NUMBER OF APPLICATIONS OF OBSESSION/POLO/DRAKAR TO ACHIEVE DESIRED
EFFECT
a)10 - 15 b)15 - 25 c)25 and above
GOLD CAP ON AT LEAST ONE TOOTH? YES NO
HAIR HEIGHT
a)6 - 8 Inches b)8 - 12 Inches c)1 - 2 feet d)More than 2 ft.
HAIR PRODUCTS USED AT ANY GIVEN TIME
a) Hair Spray
b) Styling Gel
c) Mousse
d) Extra Hold Styling Gel
e) Bondo
f) Spackle
g) 40 Weight Oil
h) Crazy Glue
AUTOMOBILE OWNED:
a) IROC Z
b) Firebird
c) Camaro
d) Mustang
f) Chevette ( You got a f#%*ing problem with it?)
NUMBER OF INCHES CAR IS OFF THE GROUND
a)6 - 8 Inches b)4 -6 Inches c)2 - 4 Inches d)Under 2 inches
CHARACTERISTICS OF AUTOMOBILE
a) Gold chain around license plate
b) Neon lights around license plate
c) Neon lights under car
d) Chippendales/Playboy air freshener hanging from rear view mirror
e) Garter hanging from rear view mirror
f) Chrome hubcaps
g) Stick-on window tinting
h) Stick-on paint splash stickers
i) Fuzzy dice
FAVORITE SPORTS TEAM
a) F#%*ing Giants
b) F#%*ing Jets
c) F#%*ing Mets
d) F#%*ing Yankees
e) F#%*ing Nets
f) F#%*ing Knicks
g) F#%*ing Devils
h) F#%*ing Rangers
i) F#%*ing Islanders
FAVORITE MUSIC
a) Techno
b) Rap
c) Bon Jovi
d) Bruce Springsteen
ESSAY QUESTION
In 100 words or less, Define the term "Yoos Guys"
=======================================================================
Andrew Bennett MIT Department Ocean Engineering
MIT Room 5-424 77 Massachusetts Ave.
Cambridge, MA 02139 <Standard Disclaimers Apply> Phone: (617) 253-7950
===== Area 51 ============== Bureau 13 =============== Network 18 =====
