[1744] in Humor
HUMOR: M&M Duels
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Andrew Bennett)
Mon Dec 9 09:45:28 1996
Date: Mon, 9 Dec 1996 09:39:23 -0500
To: humor@MIT.EDU
From: abennett@MIT.EDU (Andrew Bennett)
Date: Sun, 8 Dec 1996 23:55:20 -0800
From: connie@interserve.com (Connie Kleinjans)
From: "Karen Kienitz (415)725-5817" <KIENITZ_K@HOSP.STANFORD.EDU>
From: Colin Fisk <fisk@connectix.com>
>the "fault" of: jack@bink.st.hmc.edu
>
>Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the
>strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold
>M&M duels.
>
>Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure,
>squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is
>the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to
>go another round.
>
>I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and
>the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that
>the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theatre of
>competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.
>
>Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or
>pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be
>a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength.
>In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.
>
>When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest
>of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack
>it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars,
>Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card reading,
>"Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."
>
>This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free
>1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money." I have set
>aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we
>will discover the True Champion.
>
>There can be only one.
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Andrew Bennett MIT Department Ocean Engineering
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