[1674] in Humor
HUMOR CLASSIC: Product Registration
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Andrew Bennett)
Thu Oct 31 10:50:35 1996
Date: Thu, 31 Oct 1996 10:43:25 -0500
To: humor@MIT.EDU
From: abennett@MIT.EDU (Andrew Bennett)
This one goes waaaay back...
-Drew
> AIRCRAFT-SPACE SYSTEMS-MISSILES
>
> Important! Important!
> Please fill out and mail this card within 10 days of purchase
> Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In
> order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to
> fill out the warranty registration card below. Answering the survey
> questions is not required, but the information will help us to develop
> new product that best meet your needs and desires.
>
> 1. _Mr. _Mrs. _Ms. _Miss _Lt. _Gen. _Comrade _Classified _Other
>
> First Name____________________Initial____Last
> Name______________________
> Latitude________________________Longitude_____________________________
> Altitude________________________Password,Code Name,Etc._______________
>
> 2. Which model aircraft did you purchase?
>
> _F-14 Tomcat _F-15 Eagle _F-16 Falcon _F-19A Stealth _Classified
>
> 3. Date of purchase:Month___________Day___________Year____________
>
> 4. Serial Number____________________
>
> 5. Please check where this product was purchased:
>
> _Received as Gift/Aid Package
> _Catalog Showroom
> _Sleazy Arms Broker
> _Mail Order
> _Discount Store
> _Government Surplus
> _Classified
>
> 6. Please check how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas product
> you have just purchased:
>
> _Heard loud noise, looked up
> _Store Display
> _Espionage
> _Recommended by friend/relative/ally
> _Political lobbying by Manufacturer
> _Was attacked by one
>
> 7. Please check the three (3) factors which most influenced your
> decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:
>
> _Style/Appearance
> _Kickback/Bribe
> _Recommended by salesperson
> _Speed/Maneuverability
> _Comfort/Convenience
> _McDonnell Douglas Reputation
> _Advanced Weapons Systems
> _Price/Value
> _Back-Room Politics
> _Negative experience opposing one in combat
>
> 8. Please check the location(s) where this product will be used:
>
> _North America
> _Central/South America
> _Aircraft Carrier
> _Europe
> _Middle East_Africa
> _Asia/Far East
> _Misc. Third-World Countries
> _Classified
>
> 9. Please check the products that you currently own, or intend to
> purchase in the near future:
>
> Product Own Intend to purchase
> Color TV
> VCR
> ICBM
> Killer Satellite
> CD Player
> Air-to-Air Missiles
> Space Shuttle
> Home Computer
> Nuclear Weapon
>
> 10. How would you describe yourself or your organization? Check all
> that apply:
>
> _Communist/Socialist
> _Terrorist
> _Crazed (Islamic)
> _Crazed (Other)
> _Neutral
> _Democratic_Dictatorship
> _Corrupt (Latin American)
> _Corrupt (Other)
> _Primitive/Tribal
>
> 11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?
>
> _Cash
> _Suitcases of Cocaine
> _Oil Revenues
> _Deficit Spending
> _Personal Check
> _Credit Card
> _Ransom Money
> _Traveler's Check
>
> 12. Occupation You Your Spouse
> Homemaker
> Sales/Marketing
> Revolutionary
> Clerical
> Mercenary
> Tyrant
> Middle Management
> Eccentric Billionaire
> Defense Minister/General
> Retired
> Student
>
> 13. To help us understand our Customers' lifestyles, please indicate
> the interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy
> participating on a regular basis:
>
> Activity/Interest You Your Spouse
> Golf
> Boating/Sailing
> Sabotage
> Running/Jogging
> Propaganda/Disinformation
> Destabilizing/Overthrow
> Default on Loans
> Gardening
> Crafts
> Black Market/Smuggling
> Collectibles/Collections
> Watching Sports on TV
> Wines
> Interrogation/Torture
> Household Pets
> Crushing Rebellions
> Espionage/Reconnaissance
> Fashion Clothing
> Border Disputes
> Mutually Assured Destruction
>
> Thanks for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your
> answers will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell
> Douglas serve you better in the future -- as well as allowing you to
> receive mailings and special offers from other companies, governments,
> extremist groups, and mysterious consortia.
>
> Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes? Please write to:
> McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION
> Marketing Department
> Military Aerospace Division [address deleted]
>
>
=======================================================================
Andrew Bennett MIT Department Ocean Engineering
MIT Room 5-424 77 Massachusetts Ave.
Cambridge, MA 02139 <Standard Disclaimers Apply> Phone: (617) 253-7950
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