[1554] in Humor
HUMOR: An Informal Poll
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (abennett@MIT.EDU)
Mon Aug 12 10:36:00 1996
From: <abennett@MIT.EDU>
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Mon, 12 Aug 1996 10:22:35 EDT
Date: Sun, 11 Aug 1996 23:54:29 -0800
From: connie@interserve.com (Connie Kleinjans)
From: Pria Graves <priag@cisco.com>
==============
Forwarded by friends at Nasa...
Real Life Thoughts from Newt:
"If combat means living in a ditch, females have biological problems
staying in a ditch for thirty days because they get infections and they
don't have upper body strength. I mean, some do, but they're relatively
rare. On the other hand, men are basically little piglets, you drop them
in the ditch, they roll around in it, doesn't matter, you know. These
things are very real. On the other hand, if combat means being on an
Aegis-class cruiser managing the computer controls for twelve ships and
their rockets, a female may be again dramatically better than a male who
gets very, very frustrated sitting in a chair all the time because males
are biologically driven to go out and hunt giraffes."
-- Adjunct Professor Newt Gingrich
Reinhardt College
January 7, 1995,
"Renewing American Civilization."
The following is a letter to Rep. Newt Gingrich from Fresno Bee reporter
John Scalzi. It includes an informal poll Scalzi conducted on Newt's remarks
about -- and astonishing mis-understanding of typical male behavior.
Dear Mr. Gingrich:
My name is John Scalzi, and I am a columnist for the Fresno Bee in Fresno,
California. In the days since the unearthing of your comments about men,
women, combat, and the biological drive for men to hunt giraffes, I have
taken it upon myself to conduct a poll to see whetherthat innate giraffe-
hunting urge (and the little piglet wallowing urge) is in fact alive and
well in the average American male.
While the sample polled is statistically small (50 men, basically whomever
was handy at the time) and largely comprised of white, college-educated,
gainfully employed males, I nevertheless feel that the information gleaned
from this poll will be of some value to someone, somew here, some time.
Perhaps you yourself, should the subject of instinctual giraffe slaughter-
ing come up again. Certainly for me, as it takes up the bulk of my column,
to be published soon.
Thank you for your time, and happy hunting and/or wallowing, whichever the
case may be.
1. Have you ever hunted a giraffe?
Yes: 0%
No: 100%
2. Have you ever had the urge to hunt a giraffe?
Yes:4%
No: 96%
3. Provided the right tools and the time, would you hunt a giraffe?
Yes: 8%
No: 92%
4. If not a giraffe, would you hunt another African savannah animal?
Yes: 20%
No: 80%
5. If you had to hunt an African savannah animal, which of the
following would you choose?
a) Zebra: 2%
b) Rhino: 6%
c) Meerkat: 12%
d) Boar: 42%
e) Any creature that appeared in "The Lion King": 36%
6. Do you think giraffe would taste like chicken?
Yes: 38%
No: 62%
7. Might it not make more sense not to hunt giraffe, but rather to
set up giraffe ranches?
Yes: 92%
No: 8%
8. When you see Geoffrey, the Toys 'R' Us giraffe, do you ever get
the urge to stick him with a spear?
Yes: 40%
No: 60%
9. Do you expect that Newt Gingrich has ever had the urge to hunt
a giraffe?
Yes: 74%
No: 26%
10. If Newt Gingrich were to hunt a giraffe, would he use tools,
or simply his own mouth?
Tools: 48%
Mouth: 52%
11. Would you rather hunt a giraffe, or wallow in a ditch like a
little piglet?
Hunt: 30%
Wallow: 70%
12. Would you generally describe yourself as a little piglet?
Yes: 22%
No: 78%
13. Would you describe Newt Gingrich as a little piglet?
Yes: 54%
No: 46%
14. If you could, would you hunt Newt Gingrich?
Yes: 58%
No: 42%
15. Would Newt Gingrich taste like chicken?
Yes: 18%
No: 82%
