[1538] in Humor
HUMOR: The Next Disney Classic
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (abennett@MIT.EDU)
Mon Jul 29 10:56:03 1996
From: <abennett@MIT.EDU>
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Mon, 29 Jul 1996 10:51:19 EDT
Date: Mon, 29 Jul 1996 01:12:42 -0800
From: connie@interserve.com (Connie Kleinjans)
From: ZEYLIK@neesnet.com
The Philadelphia Inquirer -Opinion By Marta McCave
Wednesday, July 17, 1996
It's not considered a classic until it's a `Disney classic'
``Macbeth,'' ``The Jungle'' -- the marketing tie-ins are endless.
When the new Disney movie The Hunchback of Notre Dame opened across
the country last month, lovers of literature were peeved. Disney's
animated adaption had taken more than a few liberties with Victor
Hugo's weighty classic.
But young moviegoers didn't seem to care -- they've been flocking to
the film and snapping up zillions of Hunchback puppets at Burger King.
This is bad news for literary purists. With Hunchback a hit, more
Disney remakes of the classics are bound to be coming soon to a
theater near you.
Any adult who has seen a few Disney releases knows the formula. An
upbeat plot. A plucky underdog hero or heroine. Comic relief supplied
by animated rodents or other small animals. Dazzling animation. Catchy
songs and a politically correct message about tolerance and
self-esteem. Oh, yes, don't forget the licensing tie-ins.
What might come next?
Moby Dick: The real star is Peg, Ahab's false leg (voice of Brett
Butler), offering wry commentary on the sea captain's quest for the
great white whale. Peg and a bunch of mischief-making ship rats scheme
to teach Ahab (voice of James Earl Jones) and Moby Dick (voice of
Marlon Brando) a lesson about tolerance. In the climactic scene,
there's a storm at sea, Moby Dick saves Ahab's life, and the two
adversaries break into the movie's title song, ``It's the Buddy System
that Keeps us Water-Safe / When We're Sailing on the Bounding Main.''
Licensing tie-in: talking Peg legs and toy harpoons (not intended for
children under 3).
The Sound and the Fury: William Faulkner's dark tale of about
idiocy, promiscuity, suicide, and moral degradation in a Southern
family becomes an upbeat story about the foibles of a down-on-its-luck
family of possums. The fun loving Candace (voice of Demi Moore) and
her three brothers learn a lesson about family values. Comic relief is
supplied by golfing mice who keep popping up, calling, ``Caddy!
Caddy!'' at odd moments. Hit song: ``A Whole New World (That's What We
See When We Hang By Our Tails In The Tree).'' Licensing tie-in: Possum
figures (Collect them all, kids!).
Crime and Punishment: Dostoevsky's Rodion Raskolnikov (Rodent
Ratskolnikov in the Disney version) dreams of committing the perfect
crime. With an ax he breaks into the cheese store owned by a family of
cats and steals the best of their inventory. But the guilt-wracked
Ratskolnikov (voice of Danny DeVito) surrenders to police and is
sentenced to eight years in Siberia, where -- wonder of wonder -- he
meets the girl rat of his dreams, finds he enjoys competitive
cross-country skiing and sings the movie's anthem, ``The Colors of
Siberia.'' Licensing tie-in: Russian peasant dolls, toy cheeses.
Macbeth: Look for a happy ending and lots of kilt jokes in Disney's
adaption of Shakespeare's Scottish tragedy. The animated version opens
with the three weird but lovable witches (skunks played by Whoopi
Goldberg, Rosie O'Donnell and Roseanne) dancing around a cauldron and
singing ``Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo, What's a Little Murder When It's What
You Gotta Do?'' Jeremy Irons is the voice of Macbeth, Glenn Close is
the voice of the scheming Lady Macbeth. Remorseful after murdering
their king, the two trick the witches into restoring him to life.
Licensing tie-in: toy castles with ghosts that pop out of turrets.
``Burnham Woods'' soldier costumes for Halloween.
The Jungle: Upton Sinclair's novel exposed the social injustices of
the meatpacking industry at the turn of the century. In the animated
version, Lithuanian immigrant Jurgis Rudkis (voice of John Goodman)
gets a job in the Chicago stockyards, where he encounters long hours,
difficult working conditions and lots of singing cows. In the song,
``You Call This Circle of Life? (I'm Feeling a Little Low on the Food
Chain),'' the cattle persuade Rudkus and his workers to join in a
rally for vegetarianism.
OK, maybe a vegetarian version of the The Jungle is a bit of a stretch
-- at least as far as marketing goes. It would be too hard to pitch a
licensing tie-in with McDonald's.
