[1471] in Humor
McDonnell Douglas warranty card
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Jason D. Hintersteiner)
Tue Jun 4 15:54:38 1996
Date: Tue, 04 Jun 1996 15:43:11 -0400
To: humor@MIT.EDU, ncgotta@MIT.EDU, jor3@lehigh.edu, nygren@MIT.EDU,
maltman@MIT.EDU, grisha@MIT.EDU, dimon@MIT.EDU, jkhodor@MIT.EDU,
lanaimal@MIT.EDU, mariadf@MIT.EDU, st923457@pip.cc.brandeis.edu
From: "Jason D. Hintersteiner" <jdhinter@MIT.EDU>
> FORWARDS DELETED
>
> AIRCRAFT-SPACE SYSTEMS-MISSILES
>
> Important! Important!
>
>Please fill out and mail this card within 10 days of purchase
>
>Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In
>order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to
>fill out the warranty registration card below. Answering the survey
>questions is not required, but the information will help us to develop
>new products that best meet your needs and desires.
>
>1. _Mr. _Mrs. _Ms. _Miss _Lt. _Gen. _Comrade _Classified _Other
>
>First Name____________________Initial____Last Name_________________________
>
>Latitude________________________Longitude__________________________________
>
>Altitude________________________Password, Code Name, Etc.__________________
>
>2. Which model aircraft did you purchase?
>
> _F-14 Tomcat _F-15 Eagle _F-16 Falcon _F-19A Stealth _Classified
>
>3. Date of purchase: Month___________Day___________Year____________
>
>4. Serial Number____________________
>
>5. Please check where this product was purchased:
>
>_Received as Gift/Aid Package
>_Catalog Showroom
>_Sleazy Arms Broker
>_Mail Order
>_Discount Store
>_Government Surplus
>_Classified
>
>6. Please check how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas product you
>have just purchased:
>
>_Heard loud noise, looked up
>_Store Display
>_Espionage
>_Recommended by friend/relative/ally
>_Political lobbying by Manufacturer
>_Was attacked by one
>
>7. Please check the three (3) factors which most influenced your
>decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:
>
>_Style/Appearance
>_Kickback/Bribe
>_Recommended by salesperson
>_Speed/Maneuverability
>_Comfort/Convenience
>_McDonnell Douglas Reputation
>_Advanced Weapons Systems
>_Price/Value
>_Back-Room Politics
>_Negative experience opposing one in combat
>
>8. Please check the location(s) where this product will be used:
>
>_North America
>_Central/South America
>_Aircraft Carrier
>_Europe
>_Middle East
>_Africa
>_Asia/Far East
>_Misc. Third-World Countries
>_Classified
>
>9. Please check the products that you currently own, or intend to purchase
>in the near future:
>
>Product Own Intend to purchase
>Color TV
>VCR
>ICBM
>Killer Satellite
>CD Player
>Air-to-Air Missiles
>Space Shuttle
>Home Computer
>Nuclear Weapon
>
>10. How would you describe yourself or your organization? Check all
>that apply:
>
>_Communist/Socialist
>_Terrorist
>_Crazed (Islamic)
>_Crazed (Other)
>_Neutral
>_Democratic
>_Dictatorship
>_Corrupt (Latin American)
>_Corrupt (Other)
>_Primitive/Tribal
>
>11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?
>
>_Cash
>_Suitcases of Cocaine
>_Oil Revenues
>_Deficit Spending
>_Personal Check
>_Credit Card
>_Ransom Money
>_Traveler's Check
>
>12. Occupation You Your Spouse
>
>Homemaker
>Sales/Marketing
>Revolutionary
>Clerical
>Mercenary
>Tyrant
>Middle Management
>Eccentric Billionaire
>Defense Minister/General
>Retired
>Student
>
>13. To help us understand our Customers' lifestyles, please indicate
>the interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy
>participating on a regular basis:
>
>Activity/Interest You Your Spouse
>Golf
>Boating/Sailing
>Sabotage
>Running/Jogging
>Propaganda/Disinformation
>Destabilizing/Overthrow
>Default on Loans
>Gardening
>Crafts
>Black Market/Smuggling
>Collectibles/Collections
>Watching Sports on TV
>Wines
>Interrogation/Torture
>Household Pets
>Crushing Rebellions
>Espionage/Reconnaissance
>Fashion Clothing
>Border Disputes
>Mutually Assured Destruction
>
>Thanks for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your
>answers will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell
>Douglas serve you better in the future -- as well as allowing you to
>receive mailings and special offers from other companies, governments,
>extremist groups, and mysterious consortia.
>
>Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes? Please write to:
>
>McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION
>Marketing Department
>Military Aerospace Division
>P.O. Box 800
>St. Louis, MO 55500
>
>
