[1401] in Humor
HUMOR: Letter to the Publisher
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Andrew A. Bennett)
Mon Apr 22 22:20:39 1996
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Mon, 22 Apr 1996 22:10:27 EDT
From: "Andrew A. Bennett" <abennett@MIT.EDU>
From: Espacionaute Spiff domine! <MATOSSIAN@aries.colorado.edu>
Date: Mon, 22 Apr 1996 14:05:00 -0400 (EDT)
From: Keith Bostic <bostic@bsdi.com>
Forwarded-by: Per Persson <pp@pfawww.pp.se>
Forwarded-by: Jerry Horvath <jjhnsh@halcyon.com>
Forwarded-by: byang1@cc.swarthmore.edu (Bob's World)
Some time ago the British magazine `New Statesman' had a humour
competition in which readers were asked to come up with a letter
complaining to the publisher of a sex manual, "relating to serious
injury sustained, damage inflicted, or frustration experienced,
after following the instructions contained therein."
Peter Norman won 15 pounds for this:
Dear Sir,
One knows that publishing standards are declining, but I have never been
so shocked and appalled by the number of misprints in a single
publication. I refer, of course, to your "100 Easy Steps to Martial (sic)
Satisfaction". Some of the advice therein is rendered misleading,
dangerous or even illegal by such errors.
For instance, on page 212, one is enjoined to `carefully place a condor
on your penis...' Later, on the same page, we are told to `stroke the
beast, stimulating the erectile tissue at its tip', a course of action
that I fancy even trained falconers would eschew. Elsewhere, my partner
actually followed to the letter (pardon my little joke) the instructions
to `fondle your mans bills' (p39) and `give him a long, slow message'
(p128), both of which proved positively anaphrodisiac. And no one, surely,
outside ancient Carthage has `punic hair' (p56) or uses a `dido' (p337).
In chapter 1, the recommended `fissionary position' (p6) sounds a little
explosive for beginners...
