[1366] in Humor
Emergency Vowel Drop
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Richard Samuels)
Wed Apr 3 11:49:09 1996
Date: Wed, 3 Apr 96 11:30:07 EST
To: humor@MIT.EDU
From: Richard Samuels <username@MIT.EDU>
>Date: Wed, 03 Apr 96 10:45:59 EST
>From: lmalone@MIT.EDU (Lois Malone)
>To: ps-all@MIT.EDU
>Subject: Emergency Vowel Drop
>
>From Ghana Review, an Internet service of Portsmouth University:
>
>
>
>CLINTON DEPLOYS VOWELS TO BOSNIA
>
> Cities of Sjlbvdnzv, Grzny to Be First Recipients
>
> Before an emergency joint session of Congress yesterday,
>President Clinton announced US plans to deploy over 75,000 vowels to the
>war-torn region of Bosnia. The deployment, the largest of its kind in
>American history, will provide the region with the critically needed
>letters A,E,I,O and U, and is hoped to render countless Bosnian
>names more pronounceable.
> "For six years, we have stood by while names like Ygrjvslhv and
>Tzlynhr and Glrm have been horribly butchered by millions around the
>world," Clinton said. "Today, the United States must finally stand up
>and say 'Enough.' It is time the people of Bosnia finally had some
>vowels in their incomprehensible words. The US is proud to lead the
>crusade in this noble endeavour."
> The deployment, dubbed Operation Vowel Storm by the State
>Department, is set for early next week, with the Adriatic port cities of
>Sjlbvdnzv and Grzny slated to be
>the first recipients. Two C-130 transport planes, each carrying over
>500 24-count boxes of "E's," will fly from Andrews Air Force Base
>across the Atlantic and airdrop the
>letters over the cities.
> Citizens of Grzny and Sjlbvdnzv eagerly await the arrival of the
>vowels. "My God, I do not think we can last another day," Trszg
>Grzdnjkln, 44, said. "I have six
>children and none of them has a name that is understandable to me or to
>anyone else. Mr. Clinton, please send my poor, wretched family just
>one 'E.' Please." Said Sjlbvdnzv resident Grg Hmphrs, 67: "With just a
>few key letters, I could be George Humphries. This is my dream."
>
> The airdrop represents the largest deployment of any letter to a
>foreign country since 1984. During the summer of that year, the US
>shipped 92,000 consonants to Ethiopia, providing cities like Ouaouoaua,
>Eaoiiuae, and Aao with vital, life-giving
>supplies of L's, S's and T's. The consonant-relief effort failed,
>however, when vast quantities of the letters were intercepted and
>horded by violent, gun-toting warlords.
>
>
>
Richard J. Samuels
Head, Department of Political Science
Director, MIT Japan Program
Massachusetts Institute of Technology
Tel. (617) 253-2449 Fax. (617)258-6164
