[1355] in Humor
HUMOR: Vulgar and not very PC
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Andrew A. Bennett)
Wed Mar 20 14:40:08 1996
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Wed, 20 Mar 1996 14:25:49 EST
From: "Andrew A. Bennett" <abennett@MIT.EDU>
but what the hey...
-Drew
Date: Wed, 20 Mar 1996 14:19:41 -0500
From: rhopper@MAIL.WESLEYAN.EDU (Rick Hopper)
From: Daryl.L.Gehman@Dartmouth.EDU (Daryl L. Gehman)
Subject: A couple of jokes.
JOKE 1
Three guys found themselves in Hell: Bob, Dave, and Neil. A little confused at
their present situation, they were startled to see a door in the wall open, and
behind the door was perhaps the ugliest woman they had ever seen. She was
3'4", dirty, and you could smell her even over the Brimstone. The voice of the
Devil was heard, "Bob, you have sinned! You are condemned to spend the rest of
eternity in bed with this woman!" And Bob was whisked through the door by a
group of lesser demons to his torment.
This understandably shook up the other two, and so they both jumped when a
second door opened, and they saw an even more disgusting example of womanhood
gone wrong. She was over 7' tall, monstrous, covered in thick black hair, and
flies circled her. The voice of the Devil was heard, "Dave, you have sinned!
You are condemned to spend the rest of eternity in bed with this woman!" And
Dave, like Bob, was whisked off.
Neil, now alone, felt understandably anxious, and feared the worst when the
third door opened. And as the door inched open, he strained to see the figure
of ... Cindy Crawford. Delighted, Neil jumped up, taking in the sight of this
beautiful woman, barely dressed in a skimpy bikini. Then he heard the voice
of the Devil saying: "Cindy, you have sinned ........"
JOKE 2
Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of
years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible
compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His
wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill
indicated that he'd be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on
his own.
One day a few weeks later, Bill came home absolutely ashen. His wife could see
at once that something was seriously wrong.
"What's wrong, Bill?" she asked.
"Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis
into the pickle slicer?"
"Oh, Bill, you didn't."
"Yes, I did."
"My God, Bill, what happened?"
"I got fired."
"No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?"
"Oh...she got fired too."
------- End of Forwarded Message
