[1339] in Humor
HUMOR: NASA Comes Clean
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Andrew A. Bennett)
Wed Mar 6 14:15:40 1996
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Wed, 06 Mar 1996 14:06:12 EST
From: "Andrew A. Bennett" <abennett@MIT.EDU>
Date: Wed, 06 Mar 1996 12:38:13 EST
From: Erik Nygren <nygren@MIT.EDU>
From: "Robert E. Carvalho" <carvalho@ptolemy-ethernet.arc.nasa.gov>
I suppose you could say that it got away again =o) --Robert
Subject: FWD>>>FW: NASA News
To: carvalho@ptolemy.arc.nasa.gov
Subject: NASA News
Date: Friday, February 23, 1996 7:57AM
This comes from some one at NASA, so it HAS to be true:
=============================================================================
HOUSTON (Feb. 9) - NASA HOAX REVEALED - Today, an unnamed NASA official
revealed that the upcoming Shuttle flight has a very secret objective. The
mission has been touted as a second flight of the Italian built Tethered
Satellite System (TSS). The TSS was reportedly designed to reel an
instrumented package out of the Shuttle's payload bay on a long cable and
investigate the space environment at a distance from the orbiter. The
official indicated that during the first TSS mission on STS-46, it had been
reported that problems with the mechanism had prevented the completion of
all of the test objectives required for the scientific investigation. The
upcoming mission, designated as STS-75, was purported to be to put an
improved TSS into full operations.
It seems, however, that TSS does not really stand for Tethered Satellite
System as previously reported. The real internal NASA code name for the TSS
is the Trout Snaring System. NASA's secret reason for the TSS is to use it
to attempt to catch a giant space trout and bring it home in the cargo bay
of the Space Shuttle Columbia. The NASA official revealed that space trout
have been sighted by astronauts during several previous Shuttle missions.
They have become a very serious concern to NASA, which is worried about the
safety of space walking astronauts and about possible damage inflicted to
the Shuttle and the planned international space station. NASA wants to
bring one of these giants back for analysis and to determine how they can
get rid of the menacing beasts.
Apparently, an attempt was made to lure one of the space trout during the
first TSS flight. The trout are attracted to the shiny object at the end of
the cable. As one approached and its great size became apparent, the
astronauts realized that the mechanism was not strong enough to handle the
beast. They quickly reeled in the space lure to avoid any damage to the
shuttle. NASA then fabricated the story of a mechanical problem with the
TSS. The mechanism has now been strengthened to handle the anticipated load
of the giant space trout. Also, several types of packages have been built
which will be tested on the end of the cable to see which makes the most
effective lure. In addition. provisions have been made to secure the space
trout in the payload bay for the trip back to earth. It was also revealed
that the crew for this mission has been secretly training for this mission
by fishing for marlin near Kona, Hawaii during trips which had reportedly
been for the conduct of astronomical observation training using the large
telescopes on Mauna Kea.
