[1289] in Humor
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daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Sameer Nayar)
Sun Feb 4 17:02:12 1996
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Sun, 04 Feb 1996 16:53:58 EST
From: Sameer Nayar <sameern@MIT.EDU>
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Date: Sat, 3 Feb 1996 16:27:47 -0500 (EST)
From: Anuj <agupta@umabnet.ab.umd.edu>
To: Friends -- Anil Gupta <guptan@guvax.acc.georgetown.edu>,
Robert Mertz <73752.3667@compuserve.com>,
Colleen McCurdy <colleen@jhunix.hcf.jhu.edu>,
Damien Emil Deville <porcupin@jhunix.hcf.jhu.edu>,
Gerry Dolan <delaco@delphi.com>,
Farrokh Farrokhi <ff691338@EXPRESS.SSCTR.BCM.TMC.EDU>,
Jay Webber <jwebber@hr.house.gov>,
Laura Christie <christlm@sluvca.slu.edu>,
Linda Ferrans <lferrans@jhunix.hcf.jhu.edu>,
Maura Sparks <mls68@columbia.edu>,
neeti bhatia <nbhatia@gwis2.circ.gwu.edu>,
Nupur Dashottar <nupur@gwis2.circ.gwu.edu>,
Kalpana Gupta <kgupta@welchlink.welch.jhu.edu>,
Ravi Goel <goel@umdnj.edu>, Sameer Nayar <sameern@MIT.EDU>,
Sona Railan <srailan@osf1.gmu.edu>,
Susan Brown <sbrown@umabnet.ab.umd.edu>,
Swati Bhatia <sbhatia@osf1.gmu.edu>,
Ursina Teitelbaum <uteitelb@umabnet.ab.umd.edu>,
Vineet Agarwal <vineetag@wam.umd.edu>,
Vivek Gupta <vivek.gupta@sdrc.com>
Subject: Got Soppin' fer Ya! (fwd)
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>" I received this unique recipe for fruit cake and wanted to share it with
>>" friends who might actually enjoy it.
>>"
>>" You'll need the following: a cup of water, a cup of sugar, four large
>>" brown eggs, two cups of dried fruit, a teaspoon of salt, a cup of brown
>>" sugar, lemon juice, nuts, and a bottle of whiskey.
>>"
>>" Sample the whiskey to check for quality.
>>"
>>" Take a large bowl. Check the whiskey again. To be sure it's the highest
>>" quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric
>>" mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon
>>" of sugar and beat again.
>>"
>>" Make sure the whiskey is still okay. Cry another tup. Turn off the
>>" mixer. Beat two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried
>>" fruit. Mix on the tuner. If the fired druit gets stuck in the
>>" beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver.
>>"
>>" Sample the whiskey to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of
>>" salt. Or something. Who cares? Check the whiskey. Now sift the lemon
>>" juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or
>>" something. Whatever you can find.
>>"
>>" Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees. Don't forget to beat
>>" off the turner. Throw the bowl out of the window. Check the whiskey
>>" again and go to bed.
>>"
>>" Happy holidays! Please feel free to share this recipe with others.
********************************************************************************
>When I die, I want to go peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather,
>not screaming in terror like the passengers of his car.
> --Darrel Murff III
********************************************************************************
>>An American, a Scotsman and a Canadian are driving in a car when they hit
>>some black ice and have a terrible accident. All three are thrown out of the
>>car and are killed instantly.
>>
>>The next thing they know they are standing outside the gates of Heaven.
>>There is an enormous line-up of people waiting to go through the gates. It
>>is pure chaos: there are dozens of angels trying to keep everyone in line and
>>in order.
>>
>>One of the three asks an angel what's going on. The angel tells him that
>>there was a huge flood, a gigantic earthquake, a hurricane, tornadoes, etc.
>>and that now there is a backlog of souls to be processed.
>>
>>"Tell you what, though," says the harried angel. "We want to get rid of
>>all this paperwork, so if you give me $500, I'll send you back to the real
>>world right now."
>>
>>The American realizes this is a great deal. He whips out his wallet and pays
>>the angel $500 on the spot.
>>
>>*POOF!* The American is back at the accident scene. He stands up and is
>>perfectly healthy. The cops and paramedics are amazed at this miraculous
>>recovery and ask him what happened. The American relates the story.
>>
>>One cop scoffs at him. "What about the other two guys?" he asks. "Why are
>>they still dead?"
>>
>>The last I saw of them," the American says, "The Scotsman was trying to talk
>>the price down and the Canadian was saying 'Shouldn't the government pay for
>>this?'."
*******************************************************************************
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