[1196] in Humor
HUMOR CLASSIC: Deiving in Boston
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Andrew A. Bennett)
Fri Nov 10 15:02:43 1995
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Fri, 10 Nov 1995 14:41:15 EST
From: "Andrew A. Bennett" <abennett@MIT.EDU>
Date: Fri, 10 Nov 1995 11:16:00 -0800
From: connie@interserve.com (Connie Kleinjans)
From: Larry Byler <lbyler@hpmpes3.cup.hp.com>
From: meyer@hpwala.wal.hp.com (Andreas Meyer)
EYAWTKA (Everything You Always Wanted To Know About) Driving in Boston
BOSTON DRIVING
From: Steve Hartwell <hartwell@Shasta>
Date: 24 May 1983
I suppose some of the variation between Boston drivers and the
rest of the country is due to the progressive Massachusetts
Driver Education Manual which I happen to have in my top desk
drawer. Some of the Tips for Better Driving are worth
considering, to wit:
[173.15b]:
"When competing for a section of road or a parking space,
remember that the vehicle in need of the most body work has
the right-of-way."
[141.2a]:
"Although it is altogether possible to fit a 6' car into a
6' parking space, it is hardly ever possible to fit a 6' car
into a 5' parking space."
[105.31]:
"Teenage drivers believe that they are immortal, and drive
accordingly. Nevertheless, you should avoid the temptation
to prove them wrong."
[110.13]:
"When travelling on a one-way street, stay to the right, so
as not to interfere with oncoming traffic."
[22.17b]:
"Learning to change lanes takes time and patience. The best
recommendation that can be made is to got to a Celtics
[basketball] game; study the fast break and then go out and
practice it on the highway."
[41.16]:
"Never bump a baby carriage out of a crosswalk unless the
kid's really asking for it."
[131.16d]:
"Directional signals are generally not used except during
vehicle inspection; however, a left-turn signal is
appropriate when making a U-turn on a divided highway."
[96.7b]:
"When paying tolls, remember that it is necessary to release
the quarter a full 3 seconds before passing the basket if
you are traveling more than 60 MPH."
______________
From grkermit!markm Mon Aug 8 10:08:59 1983
Subject: Re: Driving in Boston
Newsgroups: net.flame
As wild as driving in Boston proper is, the suburbs around ole'
Bean-Town are equally exciting. For example:
* The car that came off the fastest road into a rotary has the
right of way for as long as other cars saw him come off that
road (about 180 degrees).
* No-passing zones do NOT apply to anything about cars, rather
they prohibit one from relieving oneself when a car is trying
to pass in the opposite lane and is heading straight for you
at 60mph.
* Stop signs are used only when convenient.
* NEVER use turn indicators, it gives everyone else an unfair
advantage. For that matter, disconnecting brake lights really
makes it tough for those idiots around you to second-guess
(this really helps out in shopping centers when parking space
is tough to come by).
* Try not to drive between 3 and 4 in the afternoon, this is
when all the old-timers hop into their Caddy's and go for a
drive.
* Beware of people who drive with hats on. (Actually, this
applies everywhere).
* There are two basic ways to drive in the snow, too slow and
too fast. Each method is based on the simple fact that snow
makes it hard to stop. If you drive too slow, the trouble may
move before you hit it, and if you drive too fast you get out
of the snow quicker.
* The old "Age before beauty" rule DEFINITELY applies, most of
the really aggressive drivers out here drive old Plymouth
Furies and Dodge Darts.
* All auto repairs are done no more than one month before
inspection time.
* Beware of housewives between the hours of 10 and 2, they pull
out of shopping centers and elementary schools at 90mph, but
then immediately settle into their more comfortable 15mph (so
as not to jar the brats or groceries).
* If you have to make a left across traffic at a light, coasting
out into traffic 3 seconds before the light turns tells
oncoming traffic that you have them beat.
* U-turns are never illegal, but it's more fun if you miss and
make it a Y-turn so as to tie up as much traffic as possible.
* Never, never, never hit pedestrians (when anyone is looking).
* At 4-way stop intersections, the right of way always goes to
the car that doesn't stop.
* Truckers ALWAYS have the right of way. Most of these guys
aren't from New England and have to fall back on whiskey and
tonnage to get them through our streets - killing a few
Yankees will not bother them in the least (unless they get
caught).
Those are only a few of the oddities of the area. One must
remember, however, that we have that pioneer spirit out here in
the 'burbs. One must be aggressive to survive in the 128 belt,
and that means hardy driving habits. If you can't take it - get
out. As the saying goes: "He who hesitates is scrap metal."
