[1117] in Humor
FWD>HUMOR FOLLOWUP- Proctor
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Katy Oldham)
Wed Oct 4 07:27:33 1995
Date: 4 Oct 1995 04:25:21 -0700
From: "Katy Oldham" <Katy_Oldham@mesaqm.sps.mot.com>
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Mail*Link( SMTP FWD>HUMOR FOLLOWUP: Proctor & Gamble Stakes Out
TheirI
PROCTER AND GAMBLE HAS DIARRHEA
Diarrhea.com that is.
In early August P&G registered a lot of their trademarks as commercial
domains (e.g. Charmin, Luvs and Metamucil) . Later on they started
registering afflictions and body parts (e.g. dandruff, diarrhea and
underarms). I kid you not, check the lists... early list and the later
list.
P&G is mum about their plans for the new domains but rumors are flying
around Cincinnati. According to my sources, the company is working
feverishly on the ultimate diarrhea web site. The company hopes to
have both the web site and mailbot up and running by the time they
launch their new diarrhea remedy, TrotsAway 2000. By late October,
netizens will be able to get cyber coupons for their first bottle by
sending email to oh-no@diarrhea.com.
Some netheads have complained about P&G actions. They claim that the
use of diarrhea.com is tasteless and a blatant exploitation of a human
affliction. Frankly, I don't agree. Removing diarrhea from the
commercial domain will not make it go away.
Others complain that P&G has gained an unfair competitive advantage by
grabbing diarrhea. They claim that hapless children who spend hours
surfing the diarrhea site will be brain washed into buying TrotsAway
2000 and Charmin (yes - P&G has registered Charmin as well as
toiletpaper).
There may be some merit to their argument. My sources at the FTC say
the Commission has established a special Cyber Task Force (CTF, cute
huh) to look into the potential restraint of trade issues surrounding
diarrhea.com. But I think this is another case of the government
putting its nose where it doesn't belong. P&G is smart, fast and truly
has a vision of our electronic future. It's first come, first served
out there in domain land.
No people, I object to P&G's use of diarrhea on a much more mundane
level. Most supposedly literate Americans cannot spell diarrhea.
Go on! Ask around the office. You'll get "diaria", diarria" or my
favorite "dire-rear".
How are we Americans gonna get those coupons, if we can't spell
diarrhea. How are we gonna point our browsers to the ultimate diarrhea
site, if we can spell the damned word.
The way I see it, P&G has four options to avoid a marketing debacle.
1. Develop an iconic representation for the diarrhea web site.
Something the "post literate" crowd can quickly recognize and
click on.
2. Pay Jerry and Dave $250,000 to implement fuzzy searches on the
Yahoo site.
3. Quickly register trots.com, runs.com and every other slang term
for diarrhea.
4. Reassign the twit who came up with the idea of registering
diarrhea.com. May I suggest you put him on the customer service
phone answering those pesky little rumors about P&G's logo being a
satanic symbol.
InterMania is compiled by Internet Info, Falls Church, VA. InterMania
is a holistic interactive experience. Please do not excerpt it and put
it on your own web site or BBS. You may refer people to the official
URL http://www.webcom.com/~walsh/million.html. For comments, questions
and tips, we can be reached at walsh@webcom.com.
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Date: Thu, 14 Sep 95 07:22:44 MST
From: "Andrew A. Bennett" <abennett@MIT.EDU>
Subject: HUMOR FOLLOWUP: Proctor & Gamble Stakes Out Their Turf
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Apparently-To: "Katy_Oldham-RP2933@email" <katy_oldham@mesaqm.sps.mot.com>
