[87811] in SIPB IPv6
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daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (NewCars)
Fri Jan 27 10:02:34 2017
Date: Fri, 27 Jan 2017 09:34:53 -0500
From: NewCars <newcars@driiveanewercar.com>
To: <sipbv6-mtg@charon2.mit.edu>
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I you lose . These are the wrong goals because they re outcome based r=
ather than process based. When your goal is to find out where your partner =
is coming from to truly understand on a deep level you can t help but be al=
tered by the process. Conflict becomes much easier to navigate because you =
see more of the context. Michelle I ve written for years that the key to h=
appiness is not achieving your lofty dreams or experiencing some dizzying =
high but rather finding the struggles and challenges that you enjoy enduri=
ng. A similar concept seems to be true in relationships your perfect partn=
er is not someone who creates no problems in the relationship rather your =
perfect partner is someone who creates problems in the relationship that yo=
u feel good about dealing with. But how do you get good at forgiving What =
does that actually mean Again some advice from the readers When an argume=
nt is over it s over. Some couples went as far as to make this the golden =
rule in their relationship. When you re done fighting it doesn t matter wh=
o was right and who was wrong it doesn t matter if someone was mean and so=
meone was nice. It s over. It s in the past. And you both agree to leave it=
there not bring it up every month for the next three years. There s no sc=
oreboard. No one is trying to here. There s no You owe me this becaus=
e you screwed up the laundry last week. There s no I m always right abou=
t financial stuff so you should listen to me. There s no I bought her t=
hree gifts and she only did me one favor. Everything in the relationship i=
s given and done unconditionally that is without expectation or manipulati=
on. When your partner screws up you separate the intentions from the behav=
ior. You recognize the things you love and admire in your partner and under=
stand that he she was simply doing the best that they could yet messed up =
out of ignorance. Not because they re a bad person. Not because they secret=
ly hate you and want to divorce you. Not because there s somebody else in t=
he background pulling them away from you. They are a good person. That s wh=
y you are with them. If you ever lose your faith in that then you will beg=
in to erode your faith in yourself.
