[90680] in Cypherpunks
Hospitality for the Home and Office Invaders
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Tim May)
Sat Nov 22 08:29:39 1997
Date: Fri, 21 Nov 1997 20:37:57 -0700
To: cypherpunks@sirius.infonex.com
From: Tim May <tcmay@got.net>
Reply-To: Tim May <tcmay@got.net>
The "pepper spray incident" was recently discussed here. I wrote an article
for my local newsgroup, with some "peppery" other groups added. You might
enjoy it.
(Hint to Bob Hettinga: Don't bother complaining that I am risking
imprisonment with such politically incorrect stuff.)
X-From_: tcmay@got.net Thu Nov 20 10:58:58 1997
X-Delivered: at request of tcmay on always
Date: Thu, 20 Nov 1997 11:00:58 -0700
From: tcmay@got.net (Tim May)
To: tcmay@got.net
Subject: Hospitality for the Home and Office Invaders
Newsgroups: scruz.general,ba.politics,alt.fan.rush-limbaugh,alt.org.earth-first
Organization: None
In article <ayseEJyHHC.n1x@netcom.com>, ayse@netcom.com (Ayse Sercan) wrote:
> I'm sorry, I missed the part where you explained why I would give a fuck
> about the well-being of a bunch of people who broke into my office. Could
> you go over that again?
>
> Could you also explain what you consider to be appropriate force should
> somebody break into my home? Because right now, it stands at turning them
> into something the cats would find very attractive by whatver means
> necessary. Perhaps I should invite the person in, offer a cup of coffee
> and some cheesecake, because that would be more humane?
Here are the current rules in the People's Republic of Santa Cruz, California:
If Homeless Dan and His Merry Band of River Campers break into your home,
dump sawdust around and chain themselves to a tree trunk they brought in,
you must take no action against them except to ensure that their human
rights are protected fully. You must:
--You must ask them if their human rights are being respected. A
representative from the Santa Cruz City People's Council, probably Robert
Norris, will be present to ensure compliance with all applicable U.N.
rules.
--You must provide spiritual nourishment for them by turning on either
KAZU or PBS, depending on their wishes (under no circumstances may you put
KSCO, Rush Limbaugh, or G. Gordon Liddy on). Any jokes about "tree
huggers" will be punishable by civil fines. Jokes about chain saws will
result in arrest of the homeowner. In fact, jokes by the homeowner are
frowned upon, as he (it will always be a he) is emblematic of the dominant
whitemale power structure, and the patriarchy's jokes are never "funny."
--You may not play the music to t.v. too loud, either. (Amnesty
International ruled that the loud music used against General Noriega
violated his human rights and was a form of torture, banned by AI.)
--You must meet their sanitary needs by escorting them one by one, or in
pairs if they are women, to the restrooms (and your restrooms had better
be up to California OSHA standards)
--You must meet their dietary needs by providing an assortment of
wholesome, organically-grown, natural foods. You must "honor vegan
kitchens" by having no meat or dairy products in the home, nor any karmic
remnants from past eating habits. (However, if a homeless person says he
wants a big, juicy cheeseburger, you must order one from a suitable
outlet, as he has been duped by the patriarchal cattle industry and he
does not understand his true wishes.)
--You may call the police, but only to notify them that you are in full
compliance with Amnesty International, United Nations, and Homeless
Persons Alliance rules and regualations.
--You must allow members of the media, but only those not complicit in the
oppression of people of color, trees, and other living things, to enter
your home and take photographs and videos for publication in the
alternative media.
--When they have successfully completed their heroic act of guerilla
theater in your home, you must offer them gifts and wish them well on
their travels to their next encampment.
It's not just a good idea, it's the law.
--Tim May
--
The Feds have shown their hand: they want a ban on domestic cryptography
---------:---------:---------:---------:---------:---------:---------:----
Timothy C. May | Crypto Anarchy: encryption, digital money,
ComSec 3DES: 408-728-0152 | anonymous networks, digital pseudonyms, zero
W.A.S.T.E.: Corralitos, CA | knowledge, reputations, information markets,
Higher Power: 2^1398269 | black markets, collapse of governments.
"National borders aren't even speed bumps on the information superhighway."
