[11819] in Commercialization & Privatization of the Internet
Humorous Look at the Green Card Posting
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Paul Robinson)
Thu Apr 21 05:14:08 1994
Date: Thu, 21 Apr 1994 02:32:33 -0400 (EDT)
From: Paul Robinson <PAUL@tdr.com>
Reply-To: Paul Robinson <PAUL@tdr.com>
To: Humor List <HUMOR@uga.cc.uga.edu>,
Everyone Else Lurking on Com-Priv <com-priv@psi.com>
The following is edited from several postings on the Mystery Science 3000
newsgroup, to bring out the funniest comments and to fit into the
100-line limit of the Humor List:
MIKE: Well -- uh oh, Jacoby and Meyers are calling!
> Article 4957 (88 more) in alt.tv.mst3k:
TOM SERVO: When you look in the mirror, that says "KEtsm.vt.tla"
MIKE: And when you play it backwards it says, "Attorney a dead man."
> From: nike@indirect.com
MIKE: Just post it!
> (Laurence Canter)
CROW: This guy gives me the trots.
> Date: 12 Apr 1994 08:51:59 GMT
MIKE: A day which shall live in infamy.
> Organization: Canter & Siegel
TOM: Based on the book by Sueman and Shyster.
>Green Card
TOM: What about blue cards? I'm into blue.
CROW: I'll give you two blues for a red and a yellow and a hue to be
named later.
TOM: What about Hue Beaumont?
> Lottery 1994 May Be The Last One!
TOM: Come to the last annual Green Card Lottery!
MIKE: I _never_ win anything.
>The Green Card Lottery is a completely legal program
TOM: Well, so are Zork and The Brady Bunch.
>giving away
MIKE: The prices are so low, we're practically _giving_ them away!
> a certain annual allotment of Green Cards
CROW: All you have to do is bring a certain amount of money to a
certain place at a certain time to get it.
>to persons born in certain countries.
MIKE: Persons _not_ born in countries need not apply.
> The lottery program was scheduled to continue on a
CROW: Semiregular schedule of summer reruns.
>However, recently, Senator Alan J Simpson
CROW: I'm Alan J Simpson. Who the hell are you?
>introduced a bill into the U. S. Congress
TOM: Well, it'd be pretty _stupid_ to introduce it somewhere else.
>which could end any future
TOM: As we know it.
CROW: It's the Armageddon bill!
MIKE: We are all interested in the future because that is where you and
I will be spending the rest of our lives.
>lotteries. THE 1994 LOTTERY IS SCHEDULED TO TAKE PLACE SOON,
MIKE: Apply now! Supplies are limited! Operators are standing by!
> PERSONS BORN IN MOST COUNTRIES QUALIFY, MANY FOR
MIKE: Acceptance in the human race.
> The only countries NOT qualifying are: Mexico; India; P.R. China;
TOM SERVO: The Holy Roman Empire;
> Taiwan, Philippines, North Korea, Canada, United Kingdom (except
CROW: Margaret Thatcher)
> Northern Ireland), Jamaica, Dominican Republic, El Salvador and
TOM: Mary Ann, here on Gilligan's Isle.
CROW: How could someone who ISN'T from one of those countries
afford to come to the U.S.?
>Lottery registration will take place soon.
TOM: Order now and receive a free gift!
CROW: Wow, how can I get a green card?
MIKE: You're a US citizen already!
>55,000 Green Cards will be given to those who register correctly.
MIKE: Now what would a person do with 55,000 green cards?
>NO JOB IS REQUIRED.
TOM: It's the American way!
> THERE IS A STRICT JUNE DEADLINE. THE TIME TO START IS
> NOW!!
MIKE: THERE IS A STRICT CAPS LOCK KEY. THE TIME TO USE IT IS NOW!!
> For FREE information via Email, send request to
> cslaw@indirect.com
TOM: Cole Slaw?
CROW: Thinly sliced cabbage, but that's not important right now.
MIKE: Send your mail directly to indirect.
> Canter & Siegel, Immigration Attorneys
TOM SERVO: And net.abusers
