[87023] in Discussion of MIT-community interests
Tactical LED Flashlight
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Shadowhawk Flashlights)
Thu Aug 18 17:47:25 2016
Date: Thu, 18 Aug 2016 17:40:44 -0400
From: "Shadowhawk Flashlights" <shadowhawk-flashlights@hklwa.com>
To: <mit-talk-mtg@charon.mit.edu>
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<p>Tactical LED Flashlight<br /> Morovenia is a state in which both the =
mosque and the motor-car now occur in the same landscape. It started out to=
be Turkish and later decided to be European. The Mohammedan sanctuaries wi=
th their hideous stencil decorations and bulbous domes are jostled by many =
new shops with blinking fronts and German merchandise. The orthodox turn th=
eir faces toward Mecca while the enlightened dream of a journey to Paris. M=
en of title lately have made the pleasing discovery that they may drink cha=
mpagne and still be good Mussulmans. The red slipper has been succeeded by =
the tan gaiter. The voluminous breeches now acknowledge the superior graces=
of intimate English trousers. Frock-coats are more conventional than beade=
d jackets. The fez remains as a part of the insignia of the old faith and h=
ereditary devotion to the Sick Man. The generation of males which has been =
extricating itself from the shackles of Orientalism has not devoted much wo=
rry to the Condition of Woman. In Morovenia woman is still unliberated. She=
does not dine at a palm-garden or hop into a victoria on Thursday afternoo=
n to go to the meeting of a club organized to propagate cults. If she met a=
cult face to face she would not recognize it. Nor does she suspect, as she=
sits in her prison apartment, peeping out through the lattice at the monot=
onous drift of the street life, that her sisters in far-away Michigan are o=
rganizing and raising missionary funds in her behalf. She does not read the=
dressmaking periodicals. She never heard of the Wednesday matinee. When sh=
e takes the air she rides in a carriage that has a sheltering hood, and she=
is veiled up to the eyes, and she must never lean out to wriggle her littl=
e finger-tips at men lolling in front of the cafes. She must not see the me=
n. She may look at them, but she must not see them. No wonder the sisters i=
n Michigan are organizing to batter down the walls of tradition, and bring =
to her the more recent privileges of her sex! Two years ago, when this stor=
y had its real beginning, the social status of woman in Morovenia was not g=
reatly different from what it is to-day, or what it was two centuries ago. =
Woman had two important duties assigned to her. One was to hide herself fro=
m the gaze of the multitude, and the other was to be beautiful--that is, fa=
t. A woman who was plump, or buxom, or chubby might be classed as passably =
attractive, but only the fat women were irresistible. A woman weighing two =
hundred pounds was only two-thirds as beautiful as one weighing three hundr=
ed. Those grading below one hundred and fifty were verging upon the impossi=
ble. II KALORA'S AFFLICTION If it had been planned to make this an old-fash=
ioned discursive novel, say of the Victor Hugo variety, the second chapter =
would expend itself upon a philosophical discussion of Fat and a sensationa=
l showing of how and why the presence or absence of adipose tissue, at cert=
ain important crises, had altered the destinies of the whole race. The subj=
ect offers vast possibilities. It involves the physical attractiveness of e=
very woman in History and permits one to speculate wildly as to what might =
have happened if Cleopatra had weighed forty pounds heavier, if Elizabeth h=
ad been a gaunt and wiry creature, or if Joan of Arc had been so bulky that=
she could not have fastened on her armor. The soft layers which enshroud t=
he hard machinery of the human frame seem to arrive in a merely incidental =
or accidental sort of way. Yet once they have arrived they exert a mysterio=
us influence over careers. Because of a mere change in contour, many a quee=
n has lost her throne. It is a terrifying thought when one remembers that f=
at so often comes and so seldom goes. It has been explained that in Moroven=
ia, obesity and feminine beauty increased in the same ratio. The woman reig=
ning in the hearts of men was the one who could displace the most atmospher=
e. Because of the fashionableness of fat, Count Selim Malagaski, Governor-G=
eneral of Morovenia, was very unhappy. He had two daughters. One was fat; o=
ne was thin. To be more explicit, one was gloriously fat and the other was =
distressingly thin. Jeneka was the name of the one who had been blessed abu=
ndantly. Several of the younger men in official circles, who had seen Jenek=
a at a distance, when she waddled to her carriage or turned side-wise to en=
ter a shop-door, had written verses about her in which they compared her to=
the blushing pomegranate, the ripe melon, the luscious grape, and other ve=
getable luxuries more or less globular in form. No one had dedicated any ve=
rses to Kalora. Kalora was the elder of the two. She had come to the alarmi=
ng age of nineteen and no one had started in bidding for her. In court circ=
les, where there is much time for idle gossip, the most intimate secrets of=
an important household are often bandied about when the black coffee is be=
ing served. The marriageable young men of Morovenia had learned of the cala=
mity in Count Malagaski's family. They knew that Kalora weighed less than o=
ne hundred and twenty pounds. She was tall, lithe, slender, sinuous, willow=
y, hideous. The fact that poor old Count Malagaski had made many unsuccessf=
ul attempts to fatten her was a stock subject for jokes of an unrefined and=
Turkish character. Whereas Jeneka would recline for hours at a time on a s=
haded veranda, munching sugary confections that were loaded with nutritious=
nuts, Kalora showed a far-western preference for pickles and olives, and h=
ad been detected several times in the act of bribing servants to bring this=
contraband food into the harem. Worse still, she insisted upon taking exer=
cise. She loved to play romping games within the high walls of the inclosur=
e where she and the other female attaches of the royal household were kept =
penned up. Her father coaxed, pleaded and even threatened, but she refused =
to lead the indolent life prescribed by custom; she scorned the sweet and h=
eavy foods which would enable her to expand into loveliness; she persistent=
ly declined to be fat. Kalora's education was being directed by a superannu=
ated professor named Popova. He was so antique and book-wormy that none of =
the usual objections urged against the male sex seemed to hold good in his =
case, and he had the free run of the palace. Count Selim Malagaski trusted =
him implicitly. Popova fawned upon the Governor-General, and seemed slavish=
in his devotion. Secretly and stealthily he was working out a frightful ve=
ngeance upon his patron. Twenty years before, Count Selim, in a moment of a=
nger, had called Popova a "Christian dog." In Morovenia it is fla=
ttery to call a man a "liar." It is just the same as saying to hi=
m, "You belong in the diplomatic corps." It is no disgrace to be =
branded as a thief, because all business transactions are saturated with tr=
eachery. But to call another a "Christian dog" is the thirty-thir=
d degree of insult. Popova writhed in spirit when he was called "Chris=
tian," but he covered his wrath and remained in the nobleman's service=
and waited for his revenge. And now he was sacrificing the innocent Kalora=
in order to punish the father. He said to himself: "If she does not f=
atten, then her father's heart will be broken, and he will suffer even as I=
have suffered from being called Christian." It was Popova who, by gua=
rded methods, encouraged her to violent exercise, whereby she became as har=
d and trim as an antelope. He continued to supply her with all kinds of sou=
r and biting foods and sharp mineral waters, which are the sworn enemies of=
any sebaceous condition. And now that she was nineteen, almost at the furt=
her boundary of the marrying age, and slimmer than ever before, he rejoiced=
greatly, for he had accomplished his deep and malign purpose, and laid a h=
eavy burden of sorrow upon Count Selim Malagaski. III THE CRUELTY OF LAW If=
the father was worried by the prolonged crisis, the younger sister, Jeneka=
, was well-nigh distracted, for she could not hope to marry until Kalora ha=
d been properly mated and sent away. In Morovenia there is a very strict la=
w intended to eliminate the spinster from the social horizon. It is a law b=
orn of craft and inspired by foresight. The daughters of a household must b=
e married off in the order of their nativity. The younger sister dare not c=
ontemplate matrimony until the elder sister has been led to the altar. It i=
s impossible for a young and attractive girl to make a desirable match leav=
ing a maiden sister marooned on the market. She must cooperate with her par=
ents and with the elder sister to clear the way. As a rule this law encoura=
ges earnest getting-together in every household and results in a clearing u=
p of the entire stock of eligible daughters. But think of the unhappy lot o=
f an adorable and much-coveted maiden who finds herself wedged in behind so=
mething unattractive and shelf-worn! Jeneka was thus pocketed. She could do=
nothing except fold her hands and patiently wait for some miraculous inter=
vention. In Morovenia the discreet marrying age is about sixteen. Jeneka wa=
s eighteen--still young enough and of a most ravishing weight, but the slim=
princess stood as a slight, yet seemingly insurmountable barrier between h=
er and all hopes of conventional happiness. Count Malagaski did not know th=
at the shameful fact of Kalora's thinness was being whispered among the you=
ng men of Morovenia. When the daughters were out for their daily carriage-r=
ide both wore flowing robes. In the case of Kalora, this augmented costume =
was intended to conceal the absence of noble dimensions. It is not good for=
m in Morovenia for a husband or father to discuss his home life, or to show=
enthusiasm on the subject of mere woman; but the Count, prompted by a fret=
ful desire to dispose of his rapidly maturing offspring, often remarked to =
the high-born young gentlemen of his acquaintance that Kalora was a most re=
markable girl and one possessed of many charms, leaving them to infer, if t=
hey cared to do so, that possibly she weighed at least one hundred and eigh=
ty pounds. [Illustration: Papova rejoiced greatly] [Blank Page] These casua=
l comments did not seem to arouse any burning curiosity among the young men=
, and up to the day of Kalora's nineteenth anniversary they had not had the=
effect of bringing to the father any of those guarded inquiries which, und=
er the oriental custom, are always preliminary to an actual proposal of mar=
riage. Count Selim Malagaski had a double reason for wishing to see Kalora =
married. While she remained at home he knew that he would be second in auth=
ority. There is an occidental misapprehension to the effect that every woma=
n beyond the borders of the Levant is a languorous and waxen lily, floating=
in a milk-warm pool of idleness. It is true that the women of a household =
live in certain apartments set aside as a "harem." But "hare=
m" literally means "forbidden"--that is, forbidden to the pu=
blic, nothing more. Every villa at Newport has a "harem." The wom=
en of Morovenia do not pour tea for men every afternoon, and they are kept =
well under cover, but they are not slaves. They do not inherit a nominal au=
thority, but very often they assume a real authority. In the United States,=
women can not sail a boat, and yet they direct the cruise of the yacht. Ra=
ilway presidents can not vote in the Senate, and yet they always know how t=
he votes are going to be cast. And in Morovenia, many a clever woman, depri=
ved of specified and legal rights, has learned to rule man by those tactful=
methods which are in such general use that they need not be specified in t=
his connection. Kalora had a way of getting around her father. After she ha=
d defied him and put him into a stewing rage, she would smooth him the righ=
t way and, with teasing little cajoleries, nurse him back to a pleasant hum=
or. He would find himself once more at the starting-place of the controvers=
y, his stern commands unheeded, and the disobedient daughter laughing in hi=
s very face. Thus, while he was ashamed of her physical imperfections, he a=
dmired her cleverness. Often he said to Popova: "I tell you, she might=
make some man a sprightly and entertaining companion, even if she _is_ sle=
nder." Whereupon the crafty Popova would reply: "Be patient, your=
Excellency. We shall yet have her as round as a dumpling." And all th=
e time he was keeping her trained as fine as the proverbial fiddle. IV THE =
GARDEN PARTY Said the Governor-General to himself in that prime hour for wi=
de-awake meditation--the one just before arising for breakfast: "She i=
s not all that she should be, and yet, millions of women have been less tha=
n perfect and most of them have married." He looked hard at the ceilin=
g for a full minute and then murmured, "Even men have their shortcomin=
gs." This declaration struck him as being sinful and almost infidel in=
its radicalism, and yet it seemed to open the way to a logical reason why =
some titled bachelor of damaged reputation and tottering finances might bal=
ance his poor assets against a dowry and a social position, even though he =
would be compelled to figure Kalora into the bargain. It must be known that=
the Governor-General was now simply looking for a husband for Kalora. He d=
id not hope to top the market or bring down any notable catch. He favored a=
ny alliance that would result in no discredit to his noble lineage. "A=
t present they do not even nibble," he soliloquized, still looking at =
the ceiling. "They have taken fright for some reason. They may have an=
inkling of the awful truth. She is nineteen. Next year she will be twenty-=
-the year after that twenty-one. Then it would be too late. A desperate exp=
eriment is better than inaction. I have much to gain and nothing to lose. I=
must exhibit Kalora. I shall bring the young men to her. Some of them may =
take a fancy to her. I have seen people eat sugar on tomatoes and pepper on=
ice-cream. There may be in Morovenia one--one would be sufficient--one bac=
helor who is no stickler for full-blown loveliness. I may find a man who ha=
s become inoculated with western heresies and believes that a woman with in=
tellect is desirable, even though under weight. I may find a fool, or an ar=
istocrat who has gambled. I may stumble upon good fortune if I put her out =
among the young men. Yes, I must exhibit her, but how--how?" He began =
reaching into thin air for a pretext and found one. The inspiration was sim=
ple and satisfying. He would give a garden-party in honor of Mr. Rawley Plu=
mston, the British Consul. Of course he would have to invite Mrs. Plumston =
and then, out of deference to European custom, he would have his two daught=
ers present. It was only by the use of imported etiquette that he could ope=
n the way to direct courtship. Possibly some of the cautious young noblemen=
would talk with Kalora, and, finding her bright-eyed, witty, ready in conv=
ersation and with enthusiasm for big and masculine undertakings, be attract=
ed to her. At the same time her father decided that there was no reason why=
her pitiful shortage of avoirdupois should be candidly advertised. Even at=
a garden-party, where the guests of honor are two English subjects, the yo=
ung women would be required to veil themselves up to the nose-tips and hide=
themselves within a veritable cocoon of soft garments. The invitations wen=
t out and the acceptances came in. The English were flattered. Count Malaga=
ski was buoyed by new hopes and the daughters were in a day-and-night flutt=
er, for neither of them had ever come within speaking distance of the real =
young man of their dreams. On the morning of the day set apart for the debu=
t of Kalora, Count Selim went to her apartments, and, with a rather shamefa=
ced reluctance, gave his directions. </p>=20
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