[4868] in Depressing_Thoughts
exclusion
abbe@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (abbe@ATHENA.MIT.EDU)
Fri Mar 8 16:31:33 1996
I think I've always been sensitive to feeling excluded by people, like
they didn't want me around. I thought I'd gotten over it, but I guess
I was wrong.
I never quite felt like I belonged at the leg lab. I never found a
place where I could regularly sit down and work at a computer or a
desk, even. I got the impression that the other people there didn't
really think I fit in either. I don't work the same way they do, and
they keep trying to get me to work more like the way they do. Since I
wasn't working on my thesis last term, it's only gotten worse. I
left, and it was really hard to come back and find a place that I
could work. But I've been struggling to do it anyway.
I was just told that I don't even have that now. Since I happen to be
taking the seminar offered by the leg lab on walking robots, and since
one of the other UROPS at the leg lab happens to be the TA for that
class, and since some people in the class might want to do simulations
that require using workstations in the leg lab, she told me that I'll
have to sign up along with all of the people in the class for the
ability to use the desk and machine that I was beginning to think were
sort of where I could actually work in the lab.
I have no idea how to confront anyone about this, but I also have no
idea how I'm going to do my thesis with things as they are.
