[4800] in Depressing_Thoughts
losing yourself
jcbourne@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (jcbourne@ATHENA.MIT.EDU)
Mon Jul 10 00:50:23 1995
here i am again, but this time more substantive to say than "argh" or "sigh".
i've been thinking a lot recently about how my life has been for the last
four years. it's certainly had its ups and downs. however, i cannot help but
think that i am losing myself, losing the person that i was. my memories are
fading quickly; i just reread some old posts here and i can't recall the
memories that generated the feelings. a few bits and pieces, but no specifics.
so, just as i have lost most of my childhood, i am losing my college years
and all of the wonderful and tumultuous experiences i went through. i suppose
this just means that i am moving on to the next phase of my life and like
previous transition periods, i'm frightened of losing who i was. i haven't
done a lot of soul searching here in the last several years... i guess this
means that i haven't had much to get worked up about. now i'm getting into the
full swing of being a grad student and trying to look beyond being a grad
student... nothing i'm doing now seems to fit quite right and i often wonder
why i'm doing it. i just hope that some day i figure out what i want to do
with my life and get on with it. for nw, it's the same as always -- go with
the flow and trust that it will take me where i need to be.
anyway, enough rambling on. time to sleep, otherwise i won't be ready for my
meeting with my advisor tomorrow (today). such is the joyous life of a student.
