[3987] in Depressing_Thoughts
Re: a very tired bonehead
bjaspan@GZA.COM (bjaspan@GZA.COM)
Mon Aug 23 15:57:46 1993
In [3983], bert@ATHENA.MIT.EDU writes:
> Sounding obnoxious and insulting people without meaning to.
This is something I'm learning a lot about, actually. I have
periodically had people tell me I sound irritated, offhand, or
otherwise offensive. It never made any sense to me, because
frequently I was specifically trying to avoid precisely those
impressions, and sound helpful/supportive/interested/whatever.
Usually people claim that it's the words I use, that I don't think
carefully enough about them. But I've though hard about it, and
remembered how those same people spoke and the words they used, and
decided that didn't explain it.
What I'm now learning is that the way I *speak* has a lot to do with
it. I speak in my throat, and at a lower pitch than is ideal (I've
recently discovered I'm a tenor), and that seems to create precisely
those impressions mentioned above. When I move my speech up into my
head, or use a slightly higher pitch, people tell me that I sound much
more relaxed, with less "edge" on my voice, and that it doesn't sound
like I'm conciously altering my voice (although inside my head it
sounds quite odd).
I am even beginning to suspect that the sound of my voice carries over
into email... once people know how I usually sound in person, I think,
they "hear" my voice when reading my words, and therefore perceive
irritation/offhandedness/whatever that isn't there.
My voice lessons, originally for singing, appear to be turning into
speech therapy as well. :-) It's interesting.
