[3249] in Depressing_Thoughts
Mistakes
marthag@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (marthag@ATHENA.MIT.EDU)
Sun Jul 26 18:48:35 1992
I think that I may have made the biggest mistake of my life.
The fact that it has taken me this long to realize it is even more
upsetting. It may be irreversible by now. Well, not irreversible, but
the consequences for changing my mind at this point may be too high to
pay. Or maybe I just think so because I would have to admit to the whole
world that I made a mistake. And I've changed my mind so many times on
this issue that I'm not sure that people will believe me when I say I'm
sure now.
I don't even know _why_ I chose what I did. I've been trying to
figure out the reasons for quite some time now, and I haven't been able
to. I think the reason that I haven't been able to figure out my reasons is
that I don't think I'll like what I see. I suppose I thought that I was
being different, a non-conformist or something like that. But I think
that everyone who tried to convice me otherwise was probably right.
That they really were older and wiser.
I think I was flattered by the offer and thought that I could do
everything and be everything. But now I see that I can't. And I have
to be in the situation that I've got myself into. I'm already starting
to see the results or not doing so and they are unacceptable in my eyes.
Or maybe I was running away from things.
*sigh*
I'm sorry for babbling on for so long without explaining what I'm
writing about, but I just had to post this somewhere. Even if I no one
will understand what I'm talking about, perhaps it will make me feel
better.
