[1637] in Depressing_Thoughts
Re: being happy...
jcbourne@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (jcbourne@ATHENA.MIT.EDU)
Fri Nov 9 23:43:18 1990
maybe i should clarify this a bit...
when i am around people, i feel happier than i really am. i thrive off the
happiness, or just the energy, of other people. life seems much happier when
i'm surrounded by friends. i am attracted to the seemingly most secure, most
sure of themselves, people. from them i can derive my own sense of security,
of well-being. they lend me some perspective, and some hope. one in particular
(you know who you are) makes me feel especially happy and secure (most of
the time) when i am with him. and for that i thank him, and i thank all of
my friends. but when it comes time to return home, to deal with my life, to
tool, i realize how truly lonely and sad i am. the warm comfort and happy
security that i get from friendly company doesn't seem to stick when that
friendly company is no longer there. the majority of my life now is solitary,
a product of the workaholic environment of MIT and my own predisposition to
be a loner. the happy hours spent with friends (and lovers) are nothing more
than a passing dream that i must always wake up from.
