[1462] in Depressing_Thoughts
second string
jcbourne@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (jcbourne@ATHENA.MIT.EDU)
Sun Sep 9 03:20:09 1990
i hate feeling like a second string ``being''. i am me, i am unique. i
cannot change that. nor can i change the fact that (in imho) we enjoy
being together. believe me i've tried. you may remember. and i can accept
that you don't feel the exact same way i do. and i can enjoy myself. but
having the fact that you care for someone in (i believe) the same way i
care for you shoved in my face... well, it's not pleasant. my question is,
does the unpleasantness cancel the pleasure? is there more one than the
other? these questions, however, are moot. despite their answers, i will
continue to feel the way i feel about you, continue to enjoy your company,
continue to wait for...
ugh, never mind. what started out as coatrack posting has turned into an
``open'' personal letter. i didn't intend it that way. it just kind of
happened. well, i'm not going to delete it because i don't feel like
rewriting all of that.
i'm the perfect second class citizen, second string being. i step aside.
i smile. i wait until i am needed again... or until i can wait no longer.
i am a fluke of the universe
and yet i have every right to exist
and though i can't hear it
i know the universe is laughing behind my back.
but one of these days, i'll get it right. one of these days i will be first
string in someone's heart... one of these days...
why do i get the urge to say:
there's no place like home...
there's no place like home...
there's no place like home...
