[1259] in Depressing_Thoughts
Me and my ex...
gamadrid@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (gamadrid@ATHENA.MIT.EDU)
Wed Jul 11 00:36:59 1990
Okay, here's my depressing thought:
I just spent about an hour talking to my ex-girlfriend. Please
understand that we didn't break up because of an argument or we stopped
loving each other or anything mundane like that. We broke up _because_
we still loved each other and wanted to avoid hurting each other more
late on---or should I say she broke up with me, etc.
Now, I wasn't talking to her to make her come back to me or anything
silly like that. I understand her decision and I respect it. That
doesn't mean that I have to like it, but I do understand it.
She and I are still very close and talk to each other often about how we
feel. She has moved on to start dating someone else, and is very
confused. I don't like to see her hurting.
Here's the problem: There are large parts of me that want to hurt her
like she's hurt me. I know how to do it, and in times of anger have
even planned a couple of them. I am angry with her for hurting me like
she has and with the irony that I still love her and (I think) she still
loves me. And as much as I want to hurt her, I never will. I care too
much.
So what do I do with all the anger and agression that has been building
up! Who do I hit/yell at/flame/bludgeon? What do I do with all this
negative energy.
Solarian just don't cut it anymore.
