[6264] in java-interest
Internet Exegesis (humor)
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Mike Paluka)
Wed Mar 27 01:18:06 1996
Date: Fri, 15 Mar 1996 01:55:38 -0800
Reply-To: Java Interest <JAVA-INTEREST@JAVASOFT.COM>
From: Mike Paluka <paluka@COMPUALL.COM>
To: Multiple recipients of list JAVA-INTEREST
<JAVA-INTEREST@JAVASOFT.COM>
What I have learned about the internet is that you know
that you have been logged-on for TOO MANY HOURS when:
- You start e-mailing yourself sexy letters using
an anonymous return address.
- The doorbell rings and you immediately alt-tab to
Eudora.
- You post a message to "alt.sex.hamster.duct-tape"
asking where the GIFs are.
- You start downloading graphics from "alt.sex.disney".
- You search the net for a copy of "pkzipfix.exe" with
the query:
"porn sex animal alien hillary-clinton lesbian dildo
necrophilia asian black girl female woman female-fetus
female-egg pkzipfix.exe"
- You delete all of your bookmarks because you have
them memorized.
- You fill-in a loan application, listing your home
address as www.netscape.com.
- You stop using DSNs because the IP addresses are
easier for you to remember.
- You quit drinking beer because it screws up yu tipn
skillss.
- You ask the InterNIC to create a newsgroup called:
"alt.sex.winsock" or "alt.sex.wsock32".
- The newsgroup "comp.lang.java" helps you stay awake,
but makes you irritable.
- You buy your girlfriend an internet account so that she
can email you, and not tie-up your phone line with
silly conversations about her pregnancy.
- Your mother refers to you by your email address, "This
is my son, mikep@exmachina.com, the programmer; no
relation to markw@exmachina.com, they just have the
same POP (POP3 server, that is)."
- You subscribe to the newsgroup "alt.test".
- Your phone bill exceeds your monthly rent.
- You buy stock in PacBell.
- You end up owning PacBell, and cut-off service to
everybody else.
--
*************************
Michael J. Paluka
President and Taco-Chef,
MJP Consulting
paluka@compuall.com
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